My psych is supportive of my choices, bless her heart

Very happy with the last appointment. While she insists -as expected- in keeping the sz diagnosis she freely admitted that I seemed happier since quitting APs, and more importantly in her view, fairly functional. So far I’ve been able to fully compartmentalise my “unusual” and “normal” self which become activated in turn depending on the context. Previous doctors and psychologists had already remarked on my double book-keeping which in my case seems to be the norm. I have been more ongoing, spending more time with friends, and generally enjoying things more. My anhedonia seems gone.

On the downside my apathy and lack of motivation remain strong, but I’ve been successful in not ruminating over my unusual beliefs by distracting myself by playing chess online.

My psych would have preferred that I returned to the narrow medicalised path, but she also made it plain that she supported my choices and would continue to have my back. There were some light moments too. At one point she asked me why did I bother answering her questions when I believed she was merely a projection of myself, to which I replied “I enjoy talking to myself”.

To avoid misunderstandings, I would like to make clear that I’ve never been completely against medication. What I have criticised and will continue to criticise is the overreliance on meds at the expense of addressing the social and existential dimensions of sz.

Perhaps the only dark of the meeting note had to do with vraylar/realiga. A year on since I stopped taking it I still get some twitches and muscle spasms at night. She expressed concern and stated that she couldn’t rule out some degree of neurological damage. So much for miracle drugs. But I have chosen to remain optimistic.


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