Schizophrenia.com

My personal insight from recovering from schizophrenia

The scientists are right. Schizophrenia is completely related to dopamine. It started off for me as being in a state of crisis. As you know dopamine is a reward chemical, I am pretty sure if everything running through your mind is not ok, and you find absolutely none of your thoughts rewarding, your brain basically gets backed up with the stuff, and you will start to feel dreadful, and the opposite of the feeling of achievement. I honest don’t think this makes you hallucinate though. It is just you feel so unimaginably bad and your reality gets so hard to take, that at some point you kind of break it to find a way of coping. If you are not admitting to reality at this point, you start to form delusions and hallucinations. And… at this point you are in psychosis.

To me the dsm is pretty flawed, psychosis and schizophrenia are not two different diseases. The only difference is when you get told your reality is not real, you will either find comfort from this or find it too hard to take and go further down the rabbit hole. The definition between the two is very wishy washy, and different symptoms between the definitions could easily be explained by comorbid illnesses. And that gets me to my next point. A lot of people think the reason people end up like this is genetics, but I think that is very marginally true. I think the people that stopped being able to cope often have underlying problems that led them to stop having the ability to cope. For me this was autism.

When I left school, I got dumped into college and a room full of strangers and got told to get to know everyone and since I was undiagnosed at the time, it was basically a nightmare waiting to happen. When you are a kid, life is so easy, you have basically no responsibilities and people judging you is not something you give a second thought to. Now I have turned into an adult and there was actual expectations of me, it was all too much to handle. I had started drug using, mostly as a way to fill my unfulfillment, but once the novelty wore off, going back to reality was even harder than it would have been without them. I turned 18, had a severe car accident and bang! A few seconds after the crash I started hearing voices.

I think abuse plays a massive part. People are quick to judge in any setting, and if you are suffering, people can often be selfish and have little sympathy. For me they were more concerned with how disappointed they were with me not talking a lot than how bad I was feeling at the time. I have coping mechanisms for it now, but everyone knows how verbal confrontation can make you feel.

Over a decade later, I really pulled my life together a lot, even in the hopeless state I was in. I stopped believing my voices were real. It actually happened very fast, it was kind of a realisation moment, and when I realised that, I went from hearing them back to back for years straight to in about a week, absolutely nothing. Although it was a massive relief, I was basically back to square one, and not being able to cope anymore. But… this time it was too late. I knew my reality was not real, and I couldn’t believe in those things anymore, even if I wanted to. So I worked and worked on myself, and actually got to a place where I was finally more comfortable with myself. It pretty much hit me at this point that I was autistic. So I got a diagnosis, made massive strides, and eventually came off medication without a problem.

And now here I am, writing this to you, hoping it could give anyone some insight into why they experience things that, are impossible, but still believe it. Well, I hope you can make a recovery. I hope you can find why you became unstable like I did, and whatever happens, I wish you the best.

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Its a long read by the way, so you might want to get some popcorn.

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I read it all. It’s very good to hear from you again, and I’m glad you are doing well.

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I wish my voices would go away just by believing they weren’t real

I read it all, too. That just means my ability to concentrate is getting better.
I differ from you in that I was judged as a child and didn’t feel carefree until I accepted being a loser. I thought I could win once I grew up, but that didn’t happen often because I didn’t have good support and it was different to be successful and admired. Strange to me. Like successful gave me an identity crisis.

Nice to see you back on the forum @admiralbarkley

I recovered by realizing I had delusional thoughts which stopped the paranoia. Wellbutrin took care of my negative symptoms.

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Im on wellbutrin to, 300mg. It seems to have improved my negative symptoms. How many mg do you take?

I take 300mg too.

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True even I feel its due to rewarding chemical released. Also it must be related to age as well, like at maturity. I was doing fine and the brain lost it at age 21 and there is more trend at that age group. Any ways it just my assumption.

Happy recovery @admiralbarkley

Glad to hear you’re doing good, it’s amazing what people can overcome

I tried to push the fact that Autism was the real issue with my Psychiatrist, and I was told that they will not change my diagnosis of Schizophrenia due to the Autism Dx being made.

There is very little support for me to come off meds, so if I decide to do it, I won’t have support in place from my parents, or the mental health professionals.

What then will happen is a slippery slope. If the medical professionals - and they have already done this to me before, start to write reports to my GP that have bold writing says “Going off meds against medical advice”, my life is shot.

I would lose my drivers license. And that is a given. If this was to happen again, I’d lose my employment and my mobility (They did this to me for 2 years before). The Drivers Medical Board would revoke my license immediately if I was classed as ‘non-compliant’ or ‘going against medical advice’.

It’s a soft power (Of sorts) that’s used to keep me in line. Subtle violence. Aggressive.

They have such power over me, I cannot go against them.

I am completely convinced by the Autism being the issue at play here. However, I need to follow the rule of my Psychiatrist as the specialist viewpoint carries a lot of weight.

What pisses me off the most is that the Psychologist who put me forward and got my dx of ASD fast tracked then decided to use it as an excuse to say she couldn’t treat me, as her techniques were not designed for those on the spectrum.

All she told me originally was that it would inform her treatment of me, not lead to a complete withdrawal and her giving up on me. She kept important facts to herself awaiting the outcome. Devious

She then decided to retire, and all this promise and work to be done amounted to nothing.

On 2nd March, my case is going back to the psychology panel, but I am not sure what they’ll say