My paranoia and the despair

i saw a friend this night. she is schizoaffective and knows that my paranoia is tough. i think she doesnt judge me but i still have this impression. otherwise, she says that only meds wont help me… i was expecting a lot from them probably. but in my second week they dont act well still i find… i am fat and heavy and my brain is toootally crashed… i was traumatized by other aggressive patients in the hospitals, i am not sure i could see other ones anymore :/… the meds work on 10% now i think whcih is very few… what should i do? probably it will be fine already to activate myself at home… otherwise,i have this 13 years of despair behind me, i dont know if its possible to regain happiness after all this,sincerely…

dear Anna, it takes the meds a while to kick in, sometimes weeks…hang in there. you still have a future even though you probably don’t believe it. things get better. things get worse…usually the better outweighs the worse. I am hoping you find a way to find hope.

ok,thank you jukebox… its just hard to have the most disabling illness… even this girl doesnt know what is paranoia… i had 6 years before my diagnosis where i was smoking a lot of weed… still sometimes some smells out there are making me feel like its weed… i had really big trips on weed…

sorry you had that experience. I smoke weed but I am stable. I only do it if it’s offered. I don’t buy it anymore. disabling to say the least. I am sorry for all your paranoia. Just remember…it’s not real. Hold on honey.

thanks jukebox, yes ill pray or better, ill activate the best i can-ill do baby steps,i cant do more than this… did you all on this forum were feeling like their brains were crashed in the begining of the treatment? wow,tough illness i know…

being newly stable or almost stable in the beginning was the hardest. Try to ignore your paranoia. I know that sounds like I don’t understand, but I do. I just think you have to fight the paranoia and it will lessen. I’m glad you pray and I will pray for you.

in fact i dont really pray. for the moment i am not religious,it scares me still… yeah,i try to do this-ignoring the paranoia…:slight_smile:

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