My new roommates are not social

I love my new place.
I am just about finished with putting some of my furniture together with my brothers help.
The location is ideal, the house is located near shops in a nice town.

Although I like the house I’m a bit concerned
with both of my roommates behaviors.
They are both cordial guys but they seem to be very private and reclusive - displaying antisocial behaviors.
One of the guys seems just shy and quiet by nature but he makes an effort to talk with me, but the other guy doesn’t make an effort to talk with me so much.

I’m kind of dissapointed because a big part of me moving into a group home was so I can learn to be more social with other people.
These guys basically stay in their rooms and mind to themselves.
And the one guy who doesn’t make an effort to talk with me seems unfriendly towards me.
He is in and out of the house as he owns his own car and drives a lot.

Is it normal for a group home to be this quiet?
I mean I like the peace, but I don’t know how therapeutic this will be for me.

I am no social butterfly myself but I thought that group homes would be more socially oriented.

So far it’s been like visiting a monastery.

Although I haven’t slept there yet, it might be too soon for me to judge.

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for sure I would say give it a chance to get more comfortable. Remember it’s hard for some people to meet new people. I’m super quiet with strangers, but when I get to know someone I can sometimes be quite talkative. Just hang in there a bit.

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I would give it some time @Wave. It takes some people time to get used to a change (such as a new roommate).

I think it’s actually a very good sign that you’re showing an interest in your two roommates and that you’re wanting to interact socially with them.

Once you’re completely moved in, maybe you can ask your roommates to go on a walk with you and show you around town. That might be a good ice breaker.

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Hi @Wave, as long as you ask, I’ll put in my two cents. I can’t remember what your type of housing is called.

I think “group home” is kind of a non-specific catch-all term for many types of mental health housing. I’ve lived in five group homes in my career as a professional paranoid schizophrenic. All of them had things in common but in some ways they were vastly different. The location, the rules, and your amount of freedom can vary. The levels of functioning of the clients play a part too.

Yes, it’s nice to be around people in these places but cliques often form. Unfortunately I was never in the “popular” cliques. I usually kept to myself, partly by choice, and partly because I did not do drugs or cause trouble. That put me on the outside in my last group home from 1990-95 and it stayed that way the entire time. I believe I did not have any enemies and I interacted with my fellow tenants and I sat with them occasionally on their favorite hang-out place which was the porch. i would bet that your group home is unlike any of mine. You can’t force those people to do what you want. You’re all adults in different stages of life and you have your own lives.

You can keep reaching out and initiating conversations and be friendly and maybe you will make some connections with somebody. In my own group home currently, my liking for this place varies from day to day. Yesterday I hated it, today I hated it in the morning but there are many good moments too. The people like to talk and not have anyone cause any trouble for them. People seem to be pretty social here.

We eat together, we watch TV together, the main group hangs out in the front “space” together. They can be pretty welcoming but I can’t fully trust them. Anyways, most group homes aren’t recovery oriented. Some are, some aren’t. A couple of places I’ve been in and people I knew were in were not there to help you and there was no organized activities. They were just people there with mental health issues who needed a roof over their head and did not want to be on the streets or in hospitals or could not live on their own or in 'society". I say this because that described me in some ways when I lived in those places. I couldn’t live with my family, I could not live in an apartment or studio on my own at the time so I lived in a board & care. All I can say is just keep trying. If you get a reputation as being friendly people are more apt to be friendly in kind. You might have to get your socializing outside of the home. Or maybe things will change or more friendlier people might move in. Anyways, good luck there @Wave.

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Thanks for your input @77nick77

I will do my part in the house, and I’m not going to expect too much from my roommates.
Where I will be living is not really a group home where there is 24 hour supervision.
It’s really supportive housing.

In many ways I’m grateful that they are quiet and don’t cause trouble in any way.

I guess that I shouldn’t expect for it to be a hang out or social club.

I will do my part in the home and not expect too much from the others.

Thanks again for your input and advice!

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Thank you @Moonbeam and @tera for your valuable advice and support! :slight_smile:
I’ll give it some time.

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I don’t have much to add just that I hope things work out for you in your group home with your new roommates

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Thanks @cbbrown :slight_smile:

Ive been living in a group home since halloween. I personally dont like it. Looking forward to end of july when i get my own place

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good luck and keep us posted :smiley: I think when I go back, I want to work in a place like that if I get an opportunity.

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