My new phobia

I now have a phobia of myself.

Like i was in the store the other day and i was thinking about my horrendous flesh eyeballs and the connections going into the back of my skull and it’s just not great really.

And then i was thinking about the rest of my body and yeah it’s just not great really.

My bones, innards, all of it really just creeps me out. Rotting flesh organ weak pain filled meat hell i guess.

And oohhhhh my my organic rotting consciousness center called a brain, wow how does it get worse than that anyway? Ewwww, flesh and organs, ewwww.

So thats my new phobia, myself and the nature of this decrepid body.

I didn’t realize this was a new one for you, Pans.

I try my best not to think of this stuff. Optic nerves in particular are disturbing. Skin is a nice curtain and I don’t care to peek behind it.

I didn’t want to peek behind they forced me, they’re in my head.

Those are some rude houseguests you have, Pans.

Sounds very unpleasant—Have you shared this with your pdoc? Also, some of your descriptions brought to mind Cotard’s syndrom.

Beyond rude man, they want me to kill myself.

Second possession event they were really going for it to, took me out to a pyramid somewhere and were thrashing me about in my mind up there. Had you walked by and saw me you wouldn’t have seen but they were hounding me up there and taking control, it felt sick, very sick.

No escaping it either.

Never had the old cotard.

Just don’t prefer these bodies thats all, they are morbid and crappy.

Maybe the cotard delusion is derived from the delusion of soul, if one believes in the soul they could be dead any of the time.

That sucks. Wish I had something to say to help make it stop.

You’re hurting yourself. Try not to do that.

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Think of all those “Apple dolls” that made those people very wealthy, maybe you could prop yourself up in a corner of your room and wait.

Hey Pans…