It was jealousy. When I grew up I had two goldfish who use to swim circles playing with each other. I killed one of them. Like mother, like daughter.
sometimes mothers crave the nuturance that they have to give to children themselves.
Mother could love and need her husband, but, as I said, she blocked me out.
Are some that say we choose our parents. Not sure what I believe. But know you’re not alone.
Counselling available if you wish to delve into it more. It’s never too late to heal from it all.
If I chose my parents I might have thought I was Jesus. I remember identifying with him very strongly when I was young. The fact that he was such a scape goat. If he could do it, I could do it. He died young and my feelings didn’t last.
I find myself looking for mother figures throughout my life, finding in others what my mother was never capable of being. This has helped me find the love my mother never gave me.
As far as a father figure, my own father was a drunk pedophile, I just never needed a father in my life, but as my mother pointed out, in my relationships, I have always gone with older men.