Oh, Padster, you’re awesome enough as a person. You don’t need to be a god on top of it.
When I get stressed out and dissatisfied with my life and who I am, I start to consider that I’m descended from fairies.
I don’t want to go into all the reasons why I believe that, it’s not good for me, but I have a host of historical, biological, and genetic arguments for it, plus any number of stories from my personal history that make it obvious.
More than that, though, when I sink into these thoughts, I feel warm, contented, safe, and strangely electric. I feel full of potential, like none of the negative crap weighing me down means anything. I feel connected to everything. It’s a great feeling.
It’s my mind’s way of protecting me, I think, and comforting me. But I’m lucky in a way because I don’t trust that feeling, and I withdraw from it before it goes too far.
I don’t know what I’m saying here, other than maybe think of things outside of this idea that make you feel safe and happy. Look for things that are making you feel frightened, powerless, or inadequate, and see what you can do to change them.
Maybe think of human things that make you feel hopeful. Imagine what you’d do with one million dollars. Look at houses available for sale in a city or country you like. Go to an art supply store and choose things that you can imagine creating with. Play with a pet, talk to a child about their day, plant something in a garden.
Choose this world and this life and create something in it.
I don’t know if any of these things will help you, but they’re the sorts of things that help me. Good luck.