My memory and sense of reality go .. is this disassociation?

I start getting cues to go off my Klonopin. This time it’s because I got prescribed a sedating antipsychotic before bed, so I tested it out last night after giving it like 3 weeks taking the 1mg Klonopin and the sedating antipsychotic. I absolutely hated the way Klonopin was dulling my reality and making my short-term memory zilch… So here I am again trying to get off it again just so I can feel life somewhat normally before I lose all my senses. Now I’m going through withdrawal and it’s hell. I feel like I’m going to benefit from this crazy ass disassociation and it will be all gone soon?

I should just die and go to hell, where my soul is meant to be. I wouldn’t kill myself, but God would probably be happy to get rid of me. I don’t see a way out. The benzo ruined my life.

I don’t even get a calming feeling from it, I just take it to get by in life

I miss:

Watching a movie or TV show and remembering a lot of detail

Going to a new place and getting excited

Recalling stuff with happiness and detail

Reading a book from cover to end and telling people about it

Being able to run, and not so tired

Having a clear Outlook and knowing what’s next to say

Not dwelling on ■■■■

Having groups of friends

Learning new things

Being able to do advanced math

Not making mistakes in what I say

Filling my time wisely and not with “apathy”

Being to feel alive

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Hmmm maybe contact your pdoc a lot of people are real sensitive to benzos. You might have withdrawal too if coming off. Don’t just go off them you can have seizures. Sorry you’re feeling so shitty tonight :frowning:

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I see my pdoc next week, I’ll tell her. I think I’m going to have a cup of coffee. Peace :peace_symbol:

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Well if you think you’re going to hell that’s dangerous, you should either a. stop believing in hell, or b. work on the meds and/or talk to your therapist about it. I used to think that when I was delusional it was the worst feeling in the world. Now I just say to myself I’m a good person, nobody would put me through that, it’s just an illness.

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Thanks, I think I am delusional. I just want to talk to my family. At least my mom. I took my Klonopin as prescribed right now. The more time goes by the less time I spend messing around with my meds. I only had two screw ups this week.

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