My marriage is in danger because of my sza/bpd

My husband said he’s scared of me.

When we disagree, he says I go all quiet then have funny look in my eyes and sometimes i throw things and scream.

He said once he even wanted to call police. And take me to hospital several times but I refused saying I don’t need it.

He doesn’t know what to do anymore with me and I’m scared of our future too. I don’t want to lose him!

I just want to be normal wife but I’m a f—ing nutcase with my rages, paranoia, psychosis, voices, anxiety attacks, mood swings, cutting and depressions. What a mess!

My husband deserves better… I’m too selfish. Want my way all the time. Too afraid of going out. Averse to socialising. And so on it goes…

Today was one of those hard days. Cried till I got a massive headache. I’m terrified I’d lose him… or myself…

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Do you think raising your Amisulpride from 200 to 300-400mg will help?

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You said with 200mg you sometimes have positive symptoms but not on 300-400mg. Why not always take 300-400 and be stable?

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Hmmm…maybe yes…

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Maybe some family therapy is in order? For your BPD, which is notoriously had to treat, I’d call around and see if you can find a therapist that deals with this type of thing and has experience treating it. BPD is a nightmare for all involved.

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I completely agree with @Aziz

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What is BPD? Bipolar or borderline?

Borderline. 10101010

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Hey @Hadeda, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is definitely a major life challenge, having no governor on your emotions, but it responds very well to Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). I know this very well as my lovely wife lives with BPD and is doing very well and were very happy. Good luck. Get in a community DBT program, typically 2 hrs a week (virtual nowadays). Best of everything to you!

Also, it is very important that your husband read about BPD or watch a few videos on it so he understands why your behaviour is the way it is. It will help build a bridge.

Hang in there as there is light at the end of the tunnel.

The first thing to learn is that BPD is not your fault. You didn’t choose to be BPD, it was an instantaneous development in the womb. Not your fault.

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Sorry you’re going through this😕 hope things work out for you and you seek help

I hope it gets better. I know I’m afraid of driving my wife away and I couldn’t stand it.

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It’s like I know I need help but I’m too unmotivated to get it

My last pdoc has told me he can’t treat me as my mental illness too complex so he told me to go to state mental health team

That was two months ago

I’m still stuck

It’s like I gave up, like I just don’t care anymore…

Falling…

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It’s not just about your husband but your own personal happiness too. I haven’t been diagnosed with a mood disorder but I likely have one. My moods swung out of control and I was in constant arguments with my husband until I found Vraylar which has a mood stabilizing effect. I wasn’t happy at all before that because I took everything personally and felt emotions so intensely. Now we fight maybe twice a month, and they are small arguments. I take things less personally. We are both happy and I am truly stable. Please keep going to find a medication that helps, a therapist to talk to, a diet that works, whatever you can that helps. Don’t give up on yourself. I was so depressed before I found Vraylar. I couldn’t handle anything. Now I handle my emotions well. Do it for your own happiness as well as the joy your husband takes in seeing you happy. Trust me I have been in terrible arguments that I caused, we have been to low points. Now we are a team, because I knew I couldn’t live that way any longer. I did research and made psych appointments. I didn’t give up on myself, even when I felt terribly. I hope you won’t either.

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I say try taking a higher dose of your AP, and get into a dialectical behavior therapy program with a therapist. It helps people with BPD

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You should go through a group course of dbt. It could help you. Its recommended for borderline.

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