Withdrawal, social isolation, and lack of motivation. I guess a pdoc would call these negative symptoms. The only times I leave my apartment is to attend church, go to my doctors appointments, and volunteer twice a week. Sometimes, I go over to my friend’s house but that is getting rarer and rarer.
I have only one friend to my name and she is getting very infrequent. Which is ok by me because I don’t like her anymore anyway. She has proven not to be much of a friend. I really should cut her loose completely. And I know how you all feel about that.
My mood is good, which is surprising. She has sent me through the wringer so many times that she really doesn’t affect me anymore. She can’t. I am immune. I don’t love her anymore. I haven’t in quite a while now. She’s just a blob taking up space in this business called life.
What I really need to do is learn how to make other friends. That, I’ve never been very good at. I didn’t have any friends in high school or college or in my late 20’s or early 30’s. I made my first friend since grade school when I was 37 years old. I hung on to her until I was 51 when my son died. Then, I made a friend out of this current woman I’m having problems with now. I am now almost 60 years old.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had many female lovers throughout my life but very few platonic friends. I don’t know how to make platonic friends. I never have. I wouldn’t know how to acquire a lover nowadays, at my age, either. Nor would I want to.
My question is, how do you acquire female, platonic friendships when you have negative symptoms of withdrawal, isolation and lack of motivation? And also positive symptoms of thinking people find you “weird”, “disgusting”, “crazy”, “gross”, etc…etc…