My friend is being stalked?

I have a friend who has had drug and alcohol addiction and i’ve been to drama classes with her.

I have met and know the guy a bit, i feel like I am going to put myself at risk if i assist her - not that it’s a selfish concern that is stopping me

He has posted lots of letters and poems about 3 times a week he lives very near… on social media he has got a cat because she said she liked cats and he’s got one and invited her over. he’s wearing the same jewellery as her tattoos and he’s not stopped after she said she wanted him to stop cos she has no interest and never will

he’s not stopped - recently he posted on his twitter - her picture of her looking shock / afraid / exaggerated selfie, he’s shown off to her (ages ago now ) that he was in trouble with the law for trying to kill someone when he was 15 - so obviously he’s always been a creep.

I have told her i’m concerned and would go to a wpc with her
i’ve told her to take a screen shot of this profile pic of his, (her selfie) for evidence. she’s kept all the letters… but not afraid - thinks he’s weird not dangerous
i don’t know what else to do
i found a good website of what to do about stalkers. which i forwarded.

But i think she’s very blasé she was in a 21 year abusive relationship. i read that stalking can go on as long as 45 years… i don’t think she wants that i wish i could get her to get a restraining order or something where he’d be in real trouble if he breaks it

they still go to the same drama group (i don’t any more) and they have the same circle of friends and are always bumping into each other.


Ahh just to be certain i am schizophrenic and i’m worried

I think it sounds like you have handled it in the best way. You gave her information on getting help, and you have made it clear you are there for her to talk about these things. It is up to her when/if she is ready to do something about it.

Of my two ex-boyfriends, one acts a bit obsessed and nutty. He randomly tries to pop up in my life with weird things, just to get a reaction I think, and then disappears for X months again. It’s been going on for about 6 years now. A few months ago he got my email from an acquaintance and he emailed me a photo of a love note I wrote him like 8 years ago, that he has kept all this time just to use as a shock factor (he is currently dating someone else, and he sent me this email on Christmas).

But in all this time he has never actually “done” anything except be creepy and annoying. I think in most cases, they just want attention, even bad attention, to get a reaction. Little histrionics, they are. So there is a significant chance that this guy will never “do” anything except be creepy and obnoxious.

But in the small chance he is more psycho than he seems even now, your friend knows who she can turn to, to help her take the necessary steps in the information you have given her. So try to let go of the issue and think of something else, if you can.

My opinion.

1 Like

You gave her the information, it is up to her how she wants to handle it. She should definitely print out all the messages he sends her and save them in case she decides to go for a protective order later. Is this a past boyfriend of hers, or just a guy who wishes he was? If they have ever dated, it will be easier for her to get a restraining order. Otherwise, she can only get the order if he has said something clearly threatening to her. Just being obsessive over someone isn’t enough reason for the police to intervene.

My mom tried to file a restraining order on someone in the past, but couldn’t get police support because he had never made any direct threats. She did get a no-contact order for me against a guy who was bothering me when I was a teenager, but that was because he made a direct threat. He left me a note saying he knew where my locker was and I couldn’t avoid him forever. The school had to rework all our classes so we were never within 50 feet of each other at any time.