Schizophrenia.com

My first therapy appt went well

DX'd - Other
#1

I told her my situation and she says she’s tough and that I’m articulate and intelligent and self-aware.

I told her I suffer from delusions and that I don’t think they’re real (hope). That I have paranoia and anxiety about them.

Like in 2011 at UC Berkeley I was either in Montauk/Monach program and/or was abducted by Grey Aliens and that we live in the Matrix/computer simulation/computer program. I had a bad drug trip back then and ended up with psychosis.

My scary delusions are that I created Bitcoin, I’m John Titor, and I am in a time loop (causal loop) living in the matrix.

I say they are delusions because I have no proof and no evidence and because I’m scared but sort of believe in them and that they are real, but she says the very word and the use of the term ‘delusion’ is acknowledgement that they are not real from me.

She definitely said the time travel and time machine aspect of my story/delusion is not real and is psychosis.

She never heard of the term mk-ultra before, which is a government mind control program and experimental program done on American Citizens. Many therapists have never heard of the program.

I also would like to say that I am looking forward to over-coming these delusions and that they will hopefully fade away with proper therapy and help. She gave me some homework to do and work on. I see her in 3 weeks time.

Maybe I won’t be so afraid of talking about them and they will lose their appeal and frightening nature.

Thank you.

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#2

I hope it works out for you @johnnyboy1 . You deserve a break.

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#3

She probably has heard of mk-ultra, after all she’s an educated psychologist, but she’s likely trying to diminish it’s importance. Not like saying “yes I’ve heard of it, everybody’s heard of it”. Or maybe she actually hasn’t heard of it I don’t know, but what matters is it’s genuinely not an important thing and suspicions like the government is doing mind control experiments aren’t going to help you get better.

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#4

I don’t know. She’s LMFT. So anyways, as long as I don’t read too much into things and convince myself otherwise; I just need to stay healthy. I think people here know my story so no need to repeat myself or re-iterate. The hardest part is dealing with the schizophrenia, which seemed to have been caused by nothing. A fluke. A curse. Whatever.

Sometimes, it gets hard, but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

I really deserve a break.

I need to stay positive and stay away from things that reinforce my ‘delusions’. It’s a scary place and world we live in. Really scary.

I’m easily well read into things. I can trick my self and open part of my mind that should be closed and I don’t know.

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#5

Hey

I hope you get control over your delusions.

Take care

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#6

weird that she didn’t hear of mk-ultra before… but like others say she probably did…

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