Schizophrenia.com

My father’s omissions must be deliberate

I said this to his face.

He omitted saying anything back.

Now he uses the word deliberate a lot.

That’s how we communicate.

He said I’m able to live on my own.

I said put that in writing I beg you if you love me put it in an email.

He didn’t of course.

This is a decent window as to why I think he secretly wants to dominate me and ultimately ‘rat duck’ my brain. To use a Bill Maher term.

I belong here.

This could have been written better… it’s difficult for me evidenced by how angry it sounded… but it’s pretty real for me, which everyone should know; because frankly I was calm when I wrote it. I love my Father which makes it hard.

I don’t really know your situation. Would you prefer living on your own, or living with your dad?

I guess I want him to make the decision, haha. Funny I guess it’s cowardice in me and him.

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Maybe your just not ready to make that decision yet. You could start by listing pros and cons of each living arrangement

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I say what I want a lot more than anyone in my family. It prevents me from having it both ways I like to think.

I’m full of it too though maybe, because I seem to always try to put spotlight on or illustrate this, by… hmph. I don’t know.

Thanks for biting though, your simple and socratic method type of q’s made me calm down and look in the mirror a bit.

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Well it sounds like you have what you want mostly figured out. You seem to know yourself pretty well. Knowing oneself is half the battle

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Lol… I don’t know about that. I feel like I have been living my life to mitigate regrets, and despite getting an early start that way, I am full of regret regardless!

Guess alcohol and Sz didn’t help!

That’s tough to live with regret. I regret decisions I’ve made too. It makes it hard to trust yourself.

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Yes that’s a huge topic! In paranoia I had a therapist say: ‘Don’t trust yourself so much’. Guess that’s universal with us Sz.

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Yeah. I’m told I should always reality check. But I have a hard time believing I’m wrong when I do it

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