So today was a good day until my dad said the most discriminating and over genralizing thing I’ve ever heard. We are heading from the gym to go get pizza and head back home. Meanwhile the radio says, “1 in 4 children in Michigan (where we live) live in poverty…”, then my dad goes " you know what they should do for those kids who live in poverty? They should get their parents and force them to work." It’s official, my dad is a dictator who doesn’t care to see past his own nose. And what really upsets me is that he used to be more empathetic and now he is just a grumpy old Trump.
Other then that I pushed my self hard at the gym today. Coming up with a new routine on the spot. Found out I broke some blood vessels in my chest from working them so well. I went to the art museum today. And I called my insurance company to make sure they paid my therapist because they haven’t been paying him. So I feel today was a good day.
some times they test us by saying things that sound bad but deep inside they under stand that’s no the way . most folk come off as jurks, and know little untail they are confronted with it. dose this sound like hes realy off or just being him.
From my experience, people who don’t even know the word “research” is a concept, to perform before you try to form an opinion on anything at all, are incorrigible and should be ignored. I actually go out of my way to make them mad and feel bad about themselves, but I don’t know how you and your dad’s relationship dynamics work.
He’s like me where he tries to break down things into sets and see what is going wrong. That’s where I get it from. But I think he is more in the “fix it at whatever cost” part of society. He won’t take criticism you’re right about that and that is completely frustrating to handle because I am with a person who only wants to judge himself and tries to fix things at the same time.
I actually just realized that he has that contradiction about him but I think it’s hard to identify things like that and am unsure of what to do about it. I mean I could test him and then tell him what he’s doing but then he’d probably be having some excuse.
I mean how can we improve ourselves if we are not willing to take criticism? I hope to be a person who can take criticism and find solutions to it. But I mean I can’t even do that with my Dad, I haven’t been able to do that for much of my life. And when I do, I just get mad, just like him. So I guess the question is, how can I use criticism? Why do people say things about me? What do I do about it? All these things have to be used in a healthy way though, which is hard to do. I guess if i get the same complaints over a period of time then I can do something about it. Identity issues are not my specialty and actually went out of my way to avoid them for awhile.
Get into game dev like I did with Mega Man Revolution, that will teach you real fast to accept reasonable criticism and strive to make things better. …well actually, probably not. I hear some indie devs try to outright censor criticism.
Semi-joking aside, he’s not going to improve at all until he can accept criticism that isn’t just trying to be destructive. I think it’s a huge step in self-growth when one can accept criticism and try to improve from it. It has NEVER felt like a good thing when it happens, but at least now I don’t wallow in misery over something like “you have a cowlick,” to “your music is ■■■■.” All I can say is, I guess you need to learn impulse control to make conscious decisions before you react on emotions. That might be easier said than done, before I took Sarcosine, I barely knew how to act on emotions and now I have a lot of trouble not doing it, if someone actually angers me enough.
Plus it actually feels more rewarding if you can change the person’s opinion (if they’re not just being an unreasonable asshole) instead of yelling at them over it.
Also, you can’t ever make a group of people 100% happy, one person will always be pissed at you no matter what. If the group only has one person, you can count on the fact THEY will be pissed at you.
It may sound like you’re against insurmountable odds, but people often do astonishing mental things every day, such as learning braille after going blind. It just takes practice.
I’m seeing a more human side to my parents when I look back when they were alive. When I was growing up they seemed almost superhuman to me, in spite of my anger at my dad.
I used to look up to my mom as the strongest person in the world until I was about 15 and she started really losing her grip on reality. Now, sadly, I just see her as a big, incorrigible joke. I suppose she is still strong to have lived 18 years longer than I have, but the fact she’s still clinging on to past hurts older than stuff like I was molested and tortured as a kid, but I laugh at it now, kinda disillusioned me towards her.
Yeah I feel I could take some forms of criticism at some point in my life. When it comes to asking questions, it becomes easier to accept it. And then you can use it to turn things on their head when someone is being unreasonable. Which is what I wanted to do with my Dad, but I didn’t because he just gets mad and that scares me because I’m just a kid on the inside. So what I wanted to ask him is “how do you think that would solve anything?” and I knew what his answer was going to be so I would hit him with the whole “so you’re a dictator, what do you think dictatorial countries are like?”
Anyways back to the asking questions. I remember picking up the question “so what?” and using it. Where I got it from I don’t remember, it could have been school or my Dad. And the question “so what?” makes everything easier to handle, even if it does feel like crap. Taking criticism by asking the question, “so what?” makes it less unexpected, and therefore less emotionally disturbing to handle.
My step mom was similar. She was in denial whenever someone criticized her. She would out right deny what you’re saying then she would use your tactics against you when you brought it up. So for me that would be “so what?” and then followed by “who cares?” and with her own son she would just tell to shut up. But she deserved every bit of criticism she got.
I think it’s definitely easier to receive criticism when one requests it, since the unwanted ones catch you off guard. It may be a symptom of schizophrenia that I had a lot of trouble with confrontation like you sound like you may have as well. Though as I said, I have trouble now not reacting to people who do things like anger me enough. It is never a pleasant thing to be criticized though, especially since we have schizophrenia. Schizophrenia can actually make us misunderstand a compliment as a grave insult and send us to the psych ward. I’ve been there and done that, but I always managed to avoid ending up in the psych ward from my feelings getting severely hurt by a compliment. Others aren’t so lucky though.
My mom sounds similar, but I’ve yelled at her before to call her character into question and she went into the back room of the place we lived and I could hear her screaming and crying in gibberish, then she came back like nothing happened. That was around the time I figured I never want to know the true extent of how crazy my mom is. O.o For me to be actually fearful of someone’s psychotic episodes, is really bad.
Haha my step mom doesn’t get upset but when she goes off on a legitimate scale, she goes off. It’s only happened twice to me and I can’t even count how many times she’s gone off on my dad. She would get so mad sometimes that she would hit my dad while he was driving and I’m in the back seat sleeping without a seatbelt. She just has a learning disability though so she can’t catch on to anything, especially when confronted with criticism. So she gets emotional and everything breaks down.
She might not so much be unable to latch on to things, maybe it just hasn’t been taught to her at a pace she can keep up with? I’ve heard of some people with learning disabilities actually doing very intelligent things, it’s just their rate of learning is hindered.
Yeah I blame the school she went to and her bipolar. Her school was very small and in hillbilly hell so it didn’t have classes for people like her. Not to mention I never know if she catches on because she just smiles and laughs when I have to explain things a second time. So I don’t know if she is laughing because of the irony she feels or because she just thinks thats an appropriate response. Either way I can see how me and my dad become pretty hard headed being the only ones with normal abilities to learn and having to drill things into her head. And that’s not simple because she is bipolar so she gets offended at everything.
I certainly never had the skills to help her and just her living with me was a burden on my development.
just be glad your dad isn’t like my step dad or bio dad.
My step dad thinks I should be locked up because its too dangerous for me to be ‘out on his own’, he used to be nice to me, whch makes this crap just recently really ■■■■■■■ hurt…
My bio dad wanted nothing to do with me for 20 years, then decides he wants in on my life after he finds out I went to college, then I get diagnosed and once again he wants nothing to do with me, this time because SZ runs in his family and hes afraid it will be contagious, as if being near me will trigger it in himself. Hes dead now though, only good he ever did me was leaving me the old farmhouse he inherited from his dad to me…
…well actually, probably not. I hear some indie devs try to outright censor criticism.