So I go through this thing at least once a day the past two weeks where I’m convinced I don’t have SZ/A, that I need a mood stabilizer not an AP because I’m a Borderline, and I’m pissed. I don’t know if it’s part of the denial process or what but it happens pretty much every day and lasts like 30-90 minutes before I calm my tits.
When it happened yesterday I started just betching up a storm rantrantrant about it, and I got into this diatribe towards the kitchen sink about how nobody will diagnose me with BPD because I don’t act crazy enough and maybe if I did act crazy and mutilate myself and scream at people and get hospitalized then they would diagnose me right and give me a mood stabilize. I was just on a betching roll while I was washing these pans.
And my mother’s husband was listening to me, he loves drama, and then tells me in all seriousness that he would be willing to stage something with me, go into the emergency with me with an agreed upon story, follow a script and pretend that I was violent and suicidal. He was dead serious and wanted to know if I would be interested. I just stared at him I think and then laughed.
It’s funny how someone else’s ridiculousness can help you rein in your own.
So, you were willing to have a sz diagnose, and now that you have it you prefer another diagnose? lol
You can actually have both sza and borderline, you know?
Yes I know. I’m not claiming that I make sense. But I do think maybe it does make sense in a grand scheme sort of way. Very oppositional and such. He explained to me that it’s like when a starving person steals a loaf of bread, it’s technically not wrong to game the system, so making a dramatic made-up scene in the ER would be no different. That’s when I realized that maybe I was being a tad ridiculous myself.
It’s also possible that he’s the master of satire, but according to my pdoc I’m autistic, so therefore maybe I just don’t get it when he’s being highly satirical. Although at this point that would make me a Borderline Schizophrenic Aspie and I’m just not sure if the world is ready for that cluster ■■■■.
Mine are quite more nuts than I… but hey, who I am, what do I know. Read somewhere that psychotic men / women are the symptom of their own’s family psychosis (kindda like when the characters of your favorite soap discorvers that her father, isn’t her father, but her younger brother, or that the dude that disapear the season before manage to gets back the following season to announce everyone that he’s everyone’s mom afterall). Seriously, the thing I read was making a comparison with an iceberg, the « il » being the apparent sympton of the whole family, but also only the « tip » of it.
I’m oldest of six children, and I have schizophrenia. So I have lived in sometimes abject poverty. Actually, the others are doing very well making money and raising children. Are they ever nuts, however! For example, my one sister has a Ph.D. in business and ended up with some unusual ethics about money . . .
Met I phychiatrist once; talked her about me « faking » things / behavior when i was young - she told me « those things (those behaviors) are real / were real. » Was talking about me crying when I was young and had to get back at where I lived (after a week-end at my mom’s, thinking that crying was either the natural thing to do, or as I implied, a way to have her pity of me, and skip school the next day)…
I think just about everyone here is aware of how ridiculously insane my family is by now…but yeah, my mom once tried to get me to pretend to be in psychosis so I could get admitted to a hospital…I just gave her that look that I am sure we have all mastered by now…that look only someone who is truly crazy can give to someone who is labeled as Sane who suggests something that makes even the crazy one look like they are in their right mind!
I just wrote a similar thread in that it’s not us tht are crazy but perhaps the family scapegoat the one who doesn’t play the game is taking the wrap for the family dysfunction.
I have both. I am the family scapegoat with psychological dysfunctions, and I probably have mental illness since it runs very heavily in my family and I’ve hallucinated people having no eyes.
I’ve found that my family is likewise insane in ways. My mother believes that stuffed rabbits are needed in every room for religious purposes. @Kazuma @Bunny Are rabbits magical some how???
My father once told me in a joking but not so joking fashion that once when I was a baby, he had to fight the urge to smoother me… He told this and I was like WHAT??? He told me he was happy that he didn’t…still confused but they are crazy in the end.
Hehehe…my overactive imagination I guess.
Rabbits are indeed magical. Look up okunoshima. Its indeed a magical place
That was hands down the most adorable and magestic thing I have seen. Thank you!
Not that I know of…
Some people just have weird, silly quirks. Maybe bunnies are just he quirk.