I’m having a hard evening now, mentally. It went wrong when I drank my 4th cup of caffeinated green tea, while sedentary. I just wanted to supply myself with antioxidants and eliminate free radicals. I began taking meds again. 6 days since I started, but I skipped two nights. Hearing far off voices of people I think about. Helpful, yet bothersome. I mostly get highly overwhelmed when I respond because I believe there’s an audience. The feeling is like having stage fright. I panic and think a bunch of bull s**t and fd up things. I manage to ramble some nice words with little description. I hate the evil things of this world that I’ve learned the end of last year. I dwell on them which is terrible for my life. I hate when my voices lie. I love catching the lies. I feel indebted when they say helpful things.
I remember oblivion…before I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. the last di.agnosis was sza
I hope everyone is doing alright and good. Please don’t be sad or affected by my message. I feel better after typing tings out and editing them to actually make some kind of sense. Going to takes meds now I’m already starting to gain weight again. :< The plus side is quieter voices and a more control over my direction of thought.
I wrote on my math notes, “Keep on pursuing Jesus. He will not give up on me.” That was partially from a statement in a plan on the Youversion Bible app.
I wonder what is the difference in awareness between people without sz / sza than people with it because others definitely respond to my thoughts and try to give me advice via stomping, saying things under their breath, breathing hard, etc.
down and out on life very often. Daydreaming and talking to myself very often. Unresponsive to others often.