Hiall.
I’m having a hard evening now, mentally. It went wrong when I drank my 4th cup of caffeinated green tea, while sedentary. I just wanted to supply myself with antioxidants and eliminate free radicals. I began taking meds again. 6 days since I started, but I skipped two nights. Hearing far off voices of people I think about. Helpful, yet bothersome. I mostly get highly overwhelmed when I respond because I believe there’s an audience. The feeling is like having stage fright. I panic and think a bunch of bull s**t and fd up things. I manage to ramble some nice words with little description. I hate the evil things of this world that I’ve learned the end of last year. I dwell on them which is terrible for my life. I hate when my voices lie. I love catching the lies. I feel indebted when they say helpful things.
I remember oblivion…before I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. the last di.agnosis was sza
I hope everyone is doing alright and good. Please don’t be sad or affected by my message. I feel better after typing tings out and editing them to actually make some kind of sense. Going to takes meds now 
I’m already starting to gain weight again. :< The plus side is quieter voices and a more control over my direction of thought.
I wrote on my math notes, “Keep on pursuing Jesus. He will not give up on me.” That was partially from a statement in a plan on the Youversion Bible app.
I wonder what is the difference in awareness between people without sz / sza than people with it because others definitely respond to my thoughts and try to give me advice via stomping, saying things under their breath, breathing hard, etc.
I am
down and out on life very often. Daydreaming and talking to myself very often. Unresponsive to others often.