My entire existence changes when on APs

I’m just thinking about how different things were, now that I’m reading my journal entries from back when I was on APs. They were actually…normal…focused on real world stuff…meanwhile if you look at all my journal entries I made after dropping meds they are all about stuff from my world…or about suffering…it is very interesting, I may post a few sometime to show how they changed…

When I was on an AP I stopped sensing everything around me. I wasn’t feeling the energy in the air. So I stopped getting scared and paranoid because I couldn’t sense bad things anymore…and the fear just didn’t happen. I could do things like sleep with my limbs outside of the blanket in the dark and not even think about it. I wasn’t seeing visual distortions, not seeing horrible things in my room. My thoughts were more focused on real life I guess…and I wasn’t chatting with my voices as much because they didn’t really talk as much…and when they did talk it was quite distant…I also felt like I was actually me, my body, rather than my body feeling like a suit or feeling I was around my body…

It is bizarre how my entire existence, way of thinking, everything changes while on APs. However I’m not sure if I prefer one state to another. The state of existence others would consider bizarre or psychotic I am quite comfortable in…and the state of existence considered normal I have quite a few issues with…neither comes without difficulty and both can at times becoming overwhelming.

So you are going back on ap’s? Or are you in them now, I forget? Either way minnii would be proud.

I’m not on an AP right now and have no intention of going back on one any time soon. To me I feel the cost of the side effects was not worth the benefits…

I will be starting back on an antidepressant though once I finish finals. Technically I was supposed to have already started it but the first dose made me sleepy and I didn’t want to deal with that when I have to be studying for finals all the time.

Good luck to you.

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