My day today-examples of anxiety and aggression

I woke up feeling somewhat proud. I had fallen asleep at a normal time last night for the first time in weeks. I did some stuff to prep for Father’s Day and then I fell back asleep until nearly noon when my mom woke me up to make me help move stuff from the attic to the curb. Then I ran some errands. Everything normal.

I get back home and that’s when trouble starts. The sleepiness hits me and I pass out for two hours during which I dream vividly, pretty much all nightmares involving sexual abuse. Then I was woken up for dinner. I was feeling out of it after that obviously. Dinner went well but when we got back my dad suddenly started asking me to do all this stuff for the move and I started to panic. I began getting very overwhelmed and confrontational, snapping at him. I was very anxious. Then I eventually left but the overwhelmed feeling did not go away and it was bad enough to where I was almost crying getting stuff out of my car to take inside my apartment. Then I had to park my car in a different lot and walk back to my apartment and my aggression was through the roof. Almost any person that walked by me my head was instantly filled with scenes of killing them. They attack me and then I’d pull out a knife and stab them over and over, in the eyes, threat, torso, etc…thoughts of sitting on the corpses covered in blood and laughing until police found me. I was so unbelievably revved up I felt like a snarling dog with all its hackles raised. I was practically mentally daring someone to try to attack me.

It’s been several hours since then and I have calmed down a lot thankfully. It’s strange how days that can start off normal and even pleasant for me can so quickly spiral downhill.

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It’s them who push you aside and after that play these scenarios, it’s not you, know it and be more strong or speculative about meds to push them aside.