As a codependent, i have learned to cut ties with narcissists. But this person is my best friend AND sibling. Every time we hang out, she pushes my boundaries until i endure i psychotic episode. Advice?
What do you mean by narcissist ?
Do you mean only concerned about their own problems?
We make certain allowances for family that we wouldn’t make for anyone else. It’s tricky. You might just have to start pushing back so she knows you aren’t going to take it anymore. Do you still live together?
Nah. We just hang on weekends.
I mean she’s so selfish and self centered and manipulative and emotionally abusive she has narcissistic personality disorder.
I’m learning to get over that. It has improved my life immeasurably.
I’m hanging with her now and i feel the paranoia setting in. I feel like everyone’s watching me and planning to hurt me.
And now voices are confirming this. Great.
Maybe you should cut down on the amount of time you spend with her. Just for a little bit, so she gets the message that she has to respect your boundaries. I had to do this with my mom a few years ago. She kept stealing money from me, and claiming be as a dependent on her taxes even though I have been supporting myself and her since I was 18. I tried several times talking to her and explaining that I wasn’t going to be treated this way anymore. But all that happened was she became more outwardly hostile instead of subtly manipulative. It was horrible. I wanted to kill myself. I was floridly psychotic, and I desperately needed the money for treatment, but she would take it and blow it all on jeans or a random trip to Florida.
In the end, what I had to do was completely stop talking to her for a few months. I left the house and lived in my car for a bit (which I absolutely do not recommend unless it’s a last resort). I felt heartless and mean, but when we did finally start talking again, she respected my boundaries. She tried to ask me for money, and I flat-out told her we would never discuss that ever again. She knew I meant it, so she dropped the subject. She still tries to get me to do things for her sometimes, but I just repeat my stance on the issue over and over again until she stops responding. I don’t let her drag me into a pointless argument anymore. I just state my stance, and repeat it word for word. It has been effective at shutting her down for the past three years or so. I think she has a lot more respect for me now.
Also, once I stopped fixing all her problems for her, she actually learned to do it on her own. I realize now that I had just been enabling her, and keeping her trapped in a helpless loop. I won’t say our relationship is perfect now. There are still a lot of hurt feelings on my side. I had to learn to just accept that I will never get an apology from her. But we can talk, and spend holidays together without fighting constantly. She gets a bit of leniency still because she is the only mom I have.
My mother is similar. We can be civil, but she’s narcissistic too. She kicked me out the first time when i was 11 and i was homeless most of my youth because after she stole all my money and benefits, that was the only thing left for her to take. She refused to get me treatment for my schizophrenia and fed my delusions endlessly. My sister takes after her quite a bit.
I have tried to ignore her and stand my ground but she just treats me like a human person for a couple weeks and then falls back into her old habits.
I have tried everything. I love her, but i have FINALLY realized I’m not worthless and don’t need people in my life that trigger me. It’s such an awkward position to be in. Idk what to do.
That is a really rough family to be a part of. You have my deepest sympathies. Ultimately, you have to make whatever choice you can live with. I can’t tell you to cut off your whole family, or to just put up with it.
Perhaps you can start making alternative plans for the weekend? Like something that leaves you feeling just a tad bit more well and making it a routine if you don’t want the nuyssance of having to think of something new to do every week?
At least you’d avoid the triggering person, despite the fact that, from what I read, the problem goes much deeper…
No one should have to put up with abuse. I hope you can find some way to change where you live if you can’t change the circumstances you’re living in.
My living situation is fine actually, i don’t live with either of them. I just see them somewhat regularly. Thank you for your empathy. <3
I just love her and she is my best friend. It’s hard to not see her even though i walk away feeling like a psycho sh*t bag.
I can relate to this all so much. You can’t help but love her, even though you know she is terrible for you. It’s a hard place to be in.
Set logical terms, say you have mental limits before you have to vanquish the cursing things existing in your mind. These things cure you you have to compete and come to terms that your own flesh and blood are trying to compete with you and set to torture you just because of a means of relation. Or old grudge holding.
Don’t trust anyone as you flow through the river or treachery and hallucinations try to muster you to their forces and their agenda.
Give them nothing. You shall put them on fire and compel them yourself.
I wouldn’t trust my sister because she cares naught for me but for her reputation and her world and her children. She cares naught for anything else. She is self absorbed and because she is older in years considers herself more wise than I. Nothing could even in that catagory be true, she is just more manipulative in general than most siblings.
Care naught for anyone who provokes you, tells you or tries to compel you to do their bidding. Listen to no one, but remain logical and consistently unknown.
Hide your thoughts.
I guess I can relate to you. I have 3 very self centered siblings. Everytime they come around I feel less than. I don’t even know if they mean to do it, its just that we are in different places in our lives. Its tough too because I enjoy their company and when you’ve been alone for a while any company is better than no one even if its a toxic relationship., I dunno my therapist told me to go somewhere else when they come around, I still haven’t listened to this advice and we were all together last weekend. Like I said the simple fact that they are normal and I’m not makes me want to jump out the window
maybe if you were more assertive he wouldn’t give you the illusion that he is narcissistic