Im in a down state right now which is crappy but i just deal with it with a lot of caffeine and try to trudge forward.
but it started in august , i had a random week of severe depression , kept seeing my death over and over in my head in so many different ways, random bouts of dry crying (super rare).
So I went for a massive hike a bike ride to get out of my head, and halfway through the ride I got a huge flood of ideas.
That I was going to be a professional animator, and all these ideas to start a production company, various cartoon tv series. How I was going to get the VCs that I knew to fund my venture, the team that I was going to assemble and so on.
These Ideas were non-stop for like 2 weeks.
It eventually morphed toward me also being a trap music artist.
I narrowly avoided spending a bunch of money, I signed up for a couple monthly fee things which Im able to cancel atleast.
after about 1 month I started entering a more agitated phase.
1 day my gf asked me for a massage and I just blew up and said “IM NOT A LABOURER!!!” lolol.
blew up on a couple of people.
then I was off and on agitated to euphoric for most of september.
ocassionaly heard voices but it was minimal atleast.
Then around Oct 5th I started to drop down quite a bit.
So in a nutshell I feel like a human Yo-Yo.
Now I have 4 weeks to finish a math course which Im almost done but I have like -100 motivation for it. So off to the library it is for me.