Musing on my life around the time I got schizophrenia

Before I got diagnosed I have some good memories and I have some bad memories. I always felt “not part of” through a lot of my school years. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 19 but my dad said that he noticed I started withdrawing when I was around 12. The last time I had a “circle” of friends was in sixth grade. After sixth grade I just had a few good friends, I wasn’t part of some popular group or anything. My appearance caused some lasting problems though. I had long hair and glasses. With the exception of a couple girls, women in high school just didn’t pay attention to me. But enough of that. My life after high school was working and partying. I had a couple friends who I did everything with. I met them at the restaurants I was working at. We had our adventures. We drove around all over drinking and smoking pot. I had moved out of my parents house and into a two-bedroom apartment with my sister a month after I turned 18. I payed my share of the bills and did my share of the cleaning. That’s pretty much what it took to live on my own. I had a LOT of freedom. I had a car and various jobs so I got around. But then I started isolating when one friend moved and another found new friends. But I met other people. But I made a BIG mistake and bought a jar of acid (tablets) to sell. I made the same mistake most low-level drug dealers did and dipped into my own product. Frequently. And I ended up having several bad trips. My last one was horrible and I believe it triggered my schizophrenia. I took too much and never came down and I was never the same again. I was going crazy so I had to move back in with my parents when I was 19. I had lost a lot but not because of schizophrenia. I got fired from my job which was nothing new. I moved in with my parents, my car got stolen, and my friends made new friends.But it was quite awhile more after that before anybody suspected I had mental problems. so I didn’t really lose as much as some people when I became schizophrenic. At that point in my life I had nothing anyway. After I got diagnosed my lifestyle changed for sure. Now I was a client; a patient; a consumer. I lived in hospitals and group homes. But I had a lot of good times before I got diagnosed.And after.

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