For a little while anyways. The stress of it with my recent promotion to supervisor was just too much. Constantly having to worry for everyone’s safety, the constant onslaught of verbal and even physical abuse we undergo as staff, seeing the patients be failed by our extremely flawed mental healthcare system over and over. I couldn’t eat, was stress vomiting all the time, having anxiety attacks before during and after work. It was affecting my relationship, physical health, everything. And i was starting to have days where it was too much and id even have to leave the floor or go home early. So i asked to be placed on medical leave and am currently on medical leave for 3 weeks, or rather 2 more weeks. I plan on looking for a new job as a public health nurse, where i get to educate the community on important topics, and i could incorporate psych into that by talking about mental health, so im not giving up on psych entirely, and i do still want to be a psych np someday.
We are in an extreme financial bind right now so it was not an easy decision to make. My parents have been helping out as much as they can but its been hard.
I confronted my doctor and told him I needed an ssri, him trying to raise my depakote whenever i was anxious was not helping enough. I felt my anxiety was not being treated appropriately. He told me he was hesitant to give me an ssri because i seemed like i was becoming manic. That was a huge eye opener to me, i had really never believed i got mania, but i realized dang, i have it all, not wanting to sleep, thoughts racing constantly, rapid speech and cutting people off on accident, impulse spending and impulsive behavior in general, hypersexuality, all of it. So i came to a compromise with him. I would increase my seroquel and he prescribed me zoloft.
So thats where i am now. I definitely feel i am fighting the mania hard. I do not want to take my medicine because when i skip the doses life feels so exciting. But i know all the consequences that would come with going off my meds so its a fight every day with myself for me to take my meds. I notice i have been fighting sleep too even with the seroquel, theres just so much i want to do. This is really tough. Keep me in your thoughts guys.
summary: Work anxiety got so bad i got thrown into a manic episode and am on leave from my job now (my decision). Life is hard right now but I am working with my doctor to make med adjustments and I am already noticing some improvements so I’ll try to look on the bright side!