Motives.. do you know the reasons for your actions

i don’t know the reasons for the way i act
but i try to learn so i call myself a ‘psychenaut’

I try to act with good intention all the time but sometimes the disease makes my choices for me and i do or don’t do things out of fear. I hate it.

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i think my intentions are good too, but… still not sure why i do stuff

i’m a mystery to myself
maybe even normies are the same?

most of what we do is subconscious . sick or not

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well, we should be aware of the motives of our own actions

Usually I do but every once in a while I have those moments I look back on and wonder what the HECK I was thinking. I’ve done some really out of character odd/embarrassing stuff in my day.

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the only times i have really done embarassing things was when i was drunk or high

we don’t even know why we behave the way we do… kinda ■■■■■■ up i think

Nope not in my case. Like this one memory makes me cringe every time. I was supposed to watch a neighbor’s parrot. I was in Highschool at the time which I suppose could explain a lot given I was floridly psychotic for most of that. Anyways. One day I went over, I actually wandered into their pantry and ate their son’s Halloween candy. (Their son was a middle schooler not a little kid so don’t worry lol). Seriously what was the thought process behind that?! Who does that?! That was so out of character for me. I am baffled about that.

Somehow another time they asked me to watch their parrot as well. I completely forgot every day I was supposed to go and did not go check on the parrot once or get their mail. Actually I am not even convinced I did forget, I almost feel like I remembered but just didn’t feel like going. (The house was literally right next to ours!) Also very embarrassing. My mom was mortified and couldn’t believe it. Again out of character for me as I am very responsible and love animals. Am typically excellent at pet and house sitting. I just have no idea what was going on there.

The parrot was fine, but needless to say I was never asked to watch it again, they asked someone else after that.

i say it’s sad we don’t even know the reasons for our own behaviour

and perhaps… highly subversive

sorry don’t mean to be critical
like i said i don’t know my own motives
just drawing attention to it
i guess we don’t have much awareness, i don’t anyway