Motivating purpose

When I feel suicidal/depressed, it is usually during a phase of questioning. Why am I here? What’s the point of all of this? Do I even make a difference?.. So, these can be dangerous questions when you really mean them. Or they can be motivators to try harder.
I think I have a fairly intense need for meaning and purpose, and I just don’t think “typical” people have this. My husband doesn’t even think about things like that. He just lives and nothing else occurs to him. It seems a more peaceful existence.
But I am often/constantly questioning if I’m worthwhile. Does anyone else have such a drive for themselves to be meaningful? The need to make a difference in the lives of those around you, or just in general?

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I think this way of thinking is very common in the special education field. There is a reason we deal with so much emotional and physical pain for almost no money, and that is because we have a burning need to feel like we have made a difference. It can lead to problems for me though, when I feel like I’m not doing as much as I could be. When I was out of work, I felt very depressed, because I couldn’t see anybody benefittig from my existence. That’s why I put so much more effort into helping out on here.

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I definitely feel a need to make a difference and something meaningful. It can quite literally drive you into the ground if you feel like you’re not doing anything worthwhile, though.

You do work with kids and I’m sure your presence and interaction means a lot to them. Even if we don’t get to see the fruits of our actions, in some way we have made some positive difference though I’m sure. Something sticks and echoes out to the collective.

No one around me definitely feels quite as passionately as I do about it though so it can be a little frustrating. I certainly don’t think though that many people are peaceful though just because they’re not trying to make a difference. Some of them are stuck in the anxieties of living for tomorrow or for the moment rather than in the moment.

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I feel the same way, that I have no further purpose in life. I haven’t worked in almost 2 years and my lack of contribution in any way to society causes suicidal thoughts that I’m an a worthless person kept docile on medications and I should do everyone a favor and just off myself. I worked for 35 years and I think a lot of my happiness and contentment came from working and contributing in my own way to the collective good.

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Yeah, my last deep sorrow was situational. One of my students was being abused and before I could really do anything for her, her mom took her out of school. I felt like a failure.
I’ve done other jobs, but, you’re right, I’m drawn to working with special needs kids because in helping them I am worthwhile.
Sometimes my paintings really touch people and that’s worthwhile too.
I wonder if that sort of consciousness is in any way indicative of MI. When it becomes a focus and it’s impossible to want to live unless there’s a specific reason.
I think I’m rambling…

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it definitely isn’t healthy when it gets taken to that extreme. There is probably a balance somewhere between wanting to help others and not feeling like a garbage person when you fail. I haven’t found it.

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The thing is, your purpose may be hidden from you. Working is good, but it’s not the only avenue for meaning at all. You can have meaning in the smallest way but it makes a difference for someone that you exist. :heart:

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I remember my need to feel like I had been a part of something that had made an impact started when I was a teenager. I wanted to work for amnesty international.

I work in worker’s comp, quite different to what I originally aimed for, but I feel like I get to have an impact with both good and bad decisions. Or I should say favourable and unfavourable decisions. I’m responsible for money being spent on medical treatment so I have to be very careful in what I will pay for. But I also have to make decisions about what is really going to benefit someone who needs treatment. Surgery etc. It’s difficult and complex but I really enjoy the responsibility.

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Hedgehog I do hope I have some further purpose that is not apparent at the moment. I tried volunteering at the animal shelter for 2 months but stopped because I thought the employees and other volunteers didn’t want me there.

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I used to try hard to find a purpose for myself but I gave it up because it made me psychotic sometimes.

I want to help people but I want to do my best. I don’t do my best when working with art. I do just what’s necessary to be done. That’s a thing that I can’t accept. When younger, I would give more than what was asked. That made me feel wonderful.

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You can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

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Yeah, it’s better to help the ones you can help, doing your best, than trying to help everyone.

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I can relate to those feelings. But hearing that in someone else, I have to ask you why wouldn’t they want you there? To me, that kind of service is so humble and giving that its worth more than most. I would encourage you to try again. :heart: