Mother Ill, Afraid of Being on My Own

So, my mother might have heart surgery soon and I am scared that if she gets very ill I will be responsible for taking care of her and myself.

Or, my stepfather might kick me out of the house, as he did in the past. The only thing keeping me in this house is the fact that my mother stands up to him and asks him to house me (we had to move from my mother’s rented house into a house under my stepfather’s name and now he has all the power over who lives here…and we don’t speak much because he doesn’t like me). If she’s sick, or something horrible happens and she dies, I’m afraid I won’t be allowed to live in my room anymore.

Also, she is taking care of my bills in exchange for me doing odd jobs and taking care of the house. I will then have to find my own housing, which is hard since I have no income without my mother at the moment.

I’m scared. I have always lived/rented rooms from my family, either grandparents, mother, or uncles. I have never managed to be independent, since the illness hit when I turned into an adult. Any advice regarding a carer/parent getting sick?

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Hey @HQuinn sorry to hear about your mums health problems. I can see how this will be causing apprehension and concern. Finding secure housing is very important to wellbeing. Hopefully your mums operation is straight forward and she makes a speedy recovery.

I am very close to my mum. I phone her every day. Truth be told if I had the choice I would move back in with her and dad (I get so lonely living on my own). But for me this is not an option. I would be so anxious if she got unwell and needed an operation.


I’m sorry this is happening @HQuinn, but don’t think of the worse.

And I’m sure if it’s needed you’ll find a solution for yourself. You’re a survivor, you can do it.


Thank you! I feel a little bit better now that I went to my martial arts class for a few hours. Nothing like sweating it out for like three hours to get out the nerves!

My mother is very important to me, but I know that if worse comes to worse, at least I have an aunt or an uncle who might provide temporary shelter for a few months. Thank you for your kind statement!

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I don’t know what your chances of getting on disability are, but you might look into that. It does take a while to get it, though. You might check out the possibilities of getting in public housing. I don’t think you have to be on disability to do that, and it can help you a lot with the rent.


My Mother was the responsible parent for me and I call her as often as I can as well.

Thank you, @crimby! Great ideas and I will start looking into these options asap so that I know what to do should the worst happen.

My mom is super special to me, too! Thank you for the well wishes!! I think, being sz, that this illness makes me appreciate my mom more. Since, she’s seen me through the worst and still loves me. Her strength as mother was tested and I found out how much I need her.

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I have tremendous sympathy with your situation because I’ve faced two major illnesses with my Mother, who was the responsible parent, as well in the past 10 years while I was still living at home. I still love to see her and she’s important to me. I hate that you have such a terrible step-father and it looks like you definitely need to come up with a Plan B even though it’s hard it is to come up with yourself. I had two step-fathers as well including one who would have had no qualms about my Mother dying and taking everything for himself and coming up with a “different arrangement” for me. He cheated on her a lot and was a co-dependent. I second the idea of going on disability or if you are already on it use it to go to a Psych facility and tell them your situation and they may be able to help if the worst happens. This is your wake up call my friend and you need to heed it.

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This was like my wake up moment, lol, you telling me to wake up. I will start planning for my future

I am terribly sorry about that stepfather who was awful!
Thanks for the wake up call!!

This is not just a wake up call, it is also an excellent opportunity for you to start reaching out for some much needed independence. I am sure your mother is also concerned with the what if…talk to her. Tell her that you are ready to start moving forward and ask her who you should talk to or where to start. I am sure she has already given this a great deal of thought but does not want to put any stress on you. She may be able to suggest the best aunt, uncle or a support person to accompany you to appointments or steer you in the right direction for disability. It is very possible that she is taking her cues from you that you are ready. Not only will you be helping yourself, you will be removing some of the stress from her which will indeed aid in a speedy recovery. She is obviously the person you trust, trust her now.

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