I am so sick of making my husband miserable. The poor man comes back from 3 very difficult days in TX and all I can do is cry and be horrid. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can I not just do what I want to do! I just want to be a good wife! Why doesn’t it happen? I try! I do, I really do, but, one trigger and I am so depressed that I can’t move. I am so delusional it’s ridiculous. I don’t know. It’s stupid really. I have taught myself my entire life that you are what you will yourself to be… Now I am just inept despite all my willingness to be the best wife possible. I truly hate myself.
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Don’t get carried away with your self hatred. I am very familiar with those types of feelings. They don’t help you any.
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Therapy comes to mind. Also sometimes we can try to be somebody else and it’s just not us. He already loves you for being you. Not for being a Stepford wife.
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It’s just confusing. I get manic and everything is spotless and everything is done and dinner is freaking awesome and then I am depressed and nothing gets done and I am horrible. I might be hyper when manic, but, at least I exist! I just want to be!
What kind of therapy, how, what happens? What also frightens me is that I have been delusional and at times psychotic the entire time I have known him, what if he doesn’t like me! What if I don’t like me!
I say involve him in your issues make him live it with you and try to put small goal for the evening. Goal 1 eat dinner goal 2 clear the table goal 3 make tea goal 4 drink tea goal 5 cuddle goal 6 speak abt issues. And so on don’t leave it to fate no plan it carefully. Are you taking your meds?
No! He already lives in it. Quite the opposite of what I want. I cook, I clean, these aren’t issues. We communicate fantastically and have a great relationship, I just make him sad and tired when he is unable to fix the problem because the problem doesn’t exist. I am starting medication currently… 2 days in.
I hear you on getting things done when manic. .
Therapy…It’s up to you what type of therapy you want to do http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_psychotherapies
Although there are a few like Yoga psychotherapy and equestrian psychotherapy that I know about that aren’t on that list. So bound to many more types. But often the talking therapies are the best and work well with med treatments.
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Don’t put yourself in his shoe. If he is sad he has the ability to express it and find solutions. He should not expect too much and certainly should not expect maximum entertainment therefor you mustn’t think you are short performing. You are doing your best and that’s enough don’t push your self we have certain abilities and we have to condition with that. Give your meds sometime they will help you endure your moments. Best of luck.
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go easy on yourself , you are human not a robot.
take care
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Hi Samples~
You are doing the best you can–i bet your husband knows this too. He knew you before you were married?
He may just be tired after coming home from work.
Your good days probably make up for your bad days.
Give yourself permission to just be—good enough! 
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give the medication time to work,might make a big difference…until then,just do the best you can and share with your husband what is taking place
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