Moms hitting the sauce and making me paranoid

I swear. Everytime she drinks she says something mean to me. Then i get mad and i get paranoid. It happens almost every time. Im so annoyed with her. She said i dont shower and the chair i sit in is dirty and smells like me so she wont sit there. So basically she said i stink. Now im mad and starting to get paranoid while my brother and his kids are gonna show up. Its gonna ruin the entire visit for me.

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Sorry my dad was alcoholic its a terrible disease. In my opinion and drunks can be extremely abusive. I tried alcohol recently myself and became extremely unwell. So realise im not to drink much at all. And wiser. Than my dad. Fortunately for me. Love my dad thats why its so hard especially when dependent on an abusive parent or two etc. I dont live with them anymore. And my dads supposedly stopped drinking. My mums doesnt need alcohol. But still the same abusive
Woman. Unfortunately for me. So i deeply empathise knowing how painful it feels not to be loved by parents. But i found daniel mackler on youtube and alice miller the trauma of the gifted child. Which adds some solace in the darkness. Of it all. I still suffer knowing im not loved. I doubt they are even my birth parents.

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