Mixed up feelings

About my husband. Love him, don’t love him enough. Loyal but tempted to be disloyal, hypocritical. Able to betray. Alien seduces me to become bad person and love him instead and harm hubby but I don’t want to.

At the moment no resentment towards hubby, I love him, yet thinking of him not there doesn’t bring only sadness but curiosity and interest. It’s like I’m completely detached from the situation!

Makes me feel so guilty… is my sza to blame or alien or do I have a character defect? Giving into Alien which I do not want to do.

I’m not in crisis but it’s a lingering mild malady…

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These voices are all components of you. There is nothing inherently wrong with having bad thoughts cross your mind, which is all these voices are. You have the choice whether or not to believe or act on them, but you have to know they come from you and are powerless without your action. Every light has its shadow and with love comes hate. These all exist within yourself. Being honest about everything with your husband might help, though, if you haven’t already talked about this with him.

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Alien and Sarah are separate beings in my head who influence me and talk to me.

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Integrate your shadow. They are parts of your mind, nothing more nothing less. We all have our darker elements but that doesn’t mean we have to act on them. So accept that these parts of your mind exist and make peace with your imperfections. I’m sure your husband will love you even if you have negative thoughts, but be open with him. The things we hide will always come out into the light in some way. If he loves you there is no part of you that he would want to be hidden. So be open and make the conscious choice to choose a loving response to situations that present themselves.

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Thanks for your lovely messages. I only disagree with Alien and Sarah being part of me - they are in my shadow but not part of it. But otherwise it makes sense what you say :blush:

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You do not have a character defect. It is a struggle to have SZ and a partner.
You need therapy including him. He needs to know your mental health state.
I understand the struggles of MI and having a partner.
Alot of my therapy and casework revolves around being honest with my partner.
And how to live with a partner. He’s been with me for 22 years - so I’m not gonna let my MI break this.

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@Hadeda i feel negative things with my hubby all the time it can be really stressful and makes me feel guilty. i get intrusive thoughts about violence sometimes. One minute i love him and he’s everything to me and the next he’s like a bad curse he causes bad things to happen sometimes and i wish he’d move out and leave me be. Sometimes i think well why hasn’t he had an affair with that woman down the street? does he hate me really? does he trust me? if he loved me then why does he stress me out when he’s messy and forgets to talk to me. all these things in a relationship but with a third thing in the relationshiop called schizophrenia/agorophobia its relentless

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Agreed. 。°。°。°。°。° I bring in my partner into the beginning of my sessions sometimes. Other times things that I don’t want him to know cause it would hurt / scare him - i work on it with my med team.

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@Kxev i don’t know what the answer is really relationships are hard at the best of times. I struggle all the time my mind feels like foggy and things get distorted. It takes a lot of concentration to express myself clearly on here. my life is filled with unstableness, inner turmoil, chaos and i all the time i’m in search for peace

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Same - it makes my head hurt - i really don’t express myself well either. Relationship + SZ is a huge issue for me. Besides SZ and myself. Its a lot.

I hope you have a therapist. I don’t think it can be done without support and understanding from spouse. I mean during psychosis - lots of bad things happen.

yeah true, nope i don’t have therapist. i’m not sure if i would be any good with one either i’ve not decided to ask for one yet. wait list is over a year, i dunno

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Oh right - I remember yes.

its ok i’m just going to watch 24hrs in a & e, sit back for an hour and distract
thanks for the chat kxdv

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