Mixed up all mixed up

feel all mixed up… Have this crawling sensation in my right side of my head. And intricate patterns with fine details make my skin crawl, even cooking rice has made me feel crawly all over. Is this tactile hallucinations or real? How do I know?

Been feeling irritable and guilty.

Can’t get my late MIL out of my head, I killed her with my severe negative energy of my thoughts. The sheer force of them got to her. Problem is will I be punished for it by going to hell? How do I atone? Cut? Have slight urges to scratch shape into my arm. Stupid spirit or is it me? Guilty me…

Maybe the meds are wearing off. It’s 01:25 and almost 24 hours since my last “quiet pill” quetiapine - quiet-apine lol!

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling weird and mixed up… But really - I’m ■■■■■■. Accidentally killed and yet I’m glad I did. So yes I’m ■■■■■■… Sorry for my messy message. Messy-age lol…

How did she actually die?

Covid and kidney infection. I hope I don’t get covid as punishment! Please no…

You didn’t cause covid with your thoughts.

It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that you felt you were sending her bad vibes at that time.

What is MIL? 151515

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