Miserable today

I’m at a low just since this morning. My husband and I had a bad argument. He called me a bully. I’m emotional and reactive but I didn’t think I was a bully. He thinks I bully him and he says he’s not going to let me do it anymore. That’s how he thinks of me, and I’m having a hard time believing we can stay married with that level of misunderstanding and unhappiness. He won’t talk to me now.
I want to leave. I love him, but I’m not happy and I’m making him miserable. I really don’t want to make him unhappy. He’s a good person who just isn’t comfortable with emotion, especially my version of emotion, which apparently comes across as bullying.
I can’t imagine not being with him. I know I’d be a whole new level of miserable. But he’d probably be happier.
He’s watching tv. I’m in knots.

Can you approach him and tell him how much you love him? If you want you can offer to be more sensitive about your emotions? I am emotional too. It can feel like bullying I guess…but I’m really just seeking peace when I get emotional. Anyways, I would try to work it out. I know you love him.


I can try that @jukebox. Thank you. He said he doesn’t want to talk about it until my son, who’s been staying with us, leaves (that’s a week and a half away). This is my second marriage. My first was abusive. I shouldn’t have gotten married again. Today more than any other I feel incapable of having a relationship.

I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I wonder why he would just cut you off like that? that is more cruel than bullying. I am so sorry you are going through a rough patch, and JUST a rough patch I hope. It’s not fair he won’t talk about it now. I would make him talk. just go in there and say talk to me I’m not waiting until our son leaves to hear what you have to say. better to confront than dangle on time.? good luck.


I’m so sorry, @Hedgehog. It really sounds like the two of you need to take time to cool down when you disagree. I know sometimes you go out for a drive so you can think things over, maybe add going for a walk or working in the garden to your repertoire? I obviously don’t know him well enough to suggest what he could do to calm down.

Calling you a bully makes it tough to go anywhere in an argument, it takes your legs out from under you. If there’s an issue with how you’re communicating, he needs to specify what you’re doing, and you two can examine it. Phrasing it as what you are is useless and just causes hurt feelings.

Remember that this illness can make us suspicious, prone to take offense, and sensitive to feeling invalidated. Keep it in mind when you listen to him, and he should also keep it in mind when he talks.

I know you’re not a bully, sweetheart. I think it’s hard for people on the outside to understand just how threats come across to us. I’m sorry your day is going like this. I hope it gets better :two_hearts:


I tried. I’ve never seen him like this. It really was like the last straw. I’m exhausted. I’ve been crying most of the day. I’m still here, you know? He’s still here… I asked if he wants a divorce and he said no, but he won’t talk beyond that. Thanks, again, @jukebox. You are really a kind soul. :blossom:

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[quote=“Rhubot, post:5, topic:51371”]
Remember that this illness can make us suspicious, prone to take offense, and sensitive to feeling invalidated. Keep it in mind when you listen to him, and he should also keep it in mind when he talks
[/quote] You’re so wise @Rhubot. Thank you. It’s just that (what you wrote) that makes me wonder if I should even be in a relationship.

aw, well at least he said he doesn’t want a divorce. I think of you as a wonderful person and I hope that you get the love you deserve. everyone deserves that . I wish you peace and happiness. @Hedgehog


Hi @Hedgehog I’m sorry you are going through such a rough time. You are a good person.

Maybe if you sleep on it things might seem clearer in the morning. Maybe it will be hard for you to sleep while you are still very emotional after the argument.

I hope this gets sorted out for you quickly. I hope you don’t feel for too long that you shouldn’t be in a relationship because you are a kind soul and deserve the happiness of a good relationship.

Take care.:purple_heart:


Thank you @anon84763962. I am exhausted. Sleep on it is really good advice.


I’m sorry to hear you’re having trouble, but from my experience things can always work themselves out so long as you don’t have both people give up completely. My wife and I have had many many fights, hell when I was psychotic I called the police on her because I believed she was poisoning me, but she didn’t give up on me, and when she had an affair several years ago I didn’t give up on her. My point is, a marriage can survive a lot so long as there’s love and willingness to move forward and try to do better.


@jukebox, @anon84763962, @Rhubot, and @anon68237654, THANK YOU all for your kindness and wisdom. Each of you had great wisdom and encouragement. :heart:️ My husband and I talked just enough to smooth this over and we’ll have an I depth talk when my son moves out in another week and a half. I learned from this and I’m going to keep in mind what each of you said.


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