I had a mindstorm attack (schizophrenic attack) this evening when I was preparing my husband’s food. I feel still so dead and unmotivated just existing but had recent stress piling up on me (worrying about my drivers test in two months and househunting) and it came to a head. I felt like I wanted to curl up in a ball and die, and I had to fight off the unbelievable desire to cut myself, but my husband stops me because I don’t want to hurt him. I tell him how I am feeling and he holds me and comforts me. I had these horrible voices saying to me that I am trying to poison my husband and I told him, explaining how it came about. All is fine when I do, but the mindstorm continued: “you’re trying to poison your husband, you fake liar hypocrite!!!” I was highly agitated and poor hubby must have been worried. I wanted to tear my hair out, my mind was dead and exploding at the same time, how can mental pain be so intense compared to physical. Oh God if only I could cut myself!.. So I decided to distract myself listening to nice upbeat music on my earphones and dancing. it worked a little to distract me, but the deadness continues forever and ever and ever…
hi sorry you went through that but you didnt self harm and thats a huge thing good on youx
at least you have a supportive and kind husband that is a positive, and good on you for distracting your self.
This happens to me a lot and I’m not a cutter, but I am a self burner. I have to explain away a lot of burns. I can’t really explain it to my wife, she doesn’t understand. And we aren’t even living together due to too many freak outs. I am happy for you that your husband is there for you because it is rough to handle all alone. I am glad I found this site , it helps me to know others are going through the same horridness I am( even if it’s a little different). Congrats on not cutting. Oh crap! Forgot meds again! Why can’t I remember?