Schizophrenia.com

Mind set & delusions... a ponder

I’ve been talking to the J preservation team… rereading some of the old cringe worthy journals…

It’s been sort of hitting me that when I was in a dark mindset… depressed… angry… resentful…

my head circus was dark and hateful … the voices constantly told me what a waste of space I was… how I should be dead already… hallucinations were mostly filled with destruction and violence. I was sure everyone was against me.

but as life went on… I ended up on different meds… and the mind set got more positive… more at ease… no anger… no resentment… that’s when the sneaky brained thinking started changing too…

I was in a pretty good mood… and as a result… it seems like the head circus started getting a more positive vibe.

It was still derailing… but instead of destruction… it was euphoric healing… I could heal others as well as myself. The voices got more benign and less punishing.

Some of the head circus has been still mind bending… but not as angry or upsetting… (until I realized I was upsetting people with my epiphanies… it’s still baffling)

I think it helped me start an upward spiral… better mood… happier head circus… caused a better mood… with a really happy head circus…

I realize I’ve been sort of on a manic high for a while

I was just wondering if others think that a good mood or a bad mood has any influence with the rest of their head circus.

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I get that. I’ve been on a good mood and my mind is not as ■■■■■■ as it used to be, when I get nervous or upset for some reason, all the stuff comes pouring down.

Since I’m on meds I even feel like a better person, I take better care of myself and others.

One thing that gets me down is the regret of past mistakes though, still struggling with those, but its getting better every day.

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That’s what I’m fighting through as well… all the things I did to my family and said to my family when I was at my worst… Not proud of my past.

They have forgiven me long before I forgave myself. I’m in therapy to come to terms with my own past in my own way.

Good luck and It will get easier.

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@neveragain was really hung up on the past. Said he couldn’t afford to make any more mistakes. Kind of a high goal to set for oneself.

I’ve done pretty well at it. Quit making the big mistakes though and the smaller ones seem to mean more.

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Thanks, I’m sure it will get easier for you too

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