metanoia is used to describe the experience of abandoning an old scripted self or false self for a more open one: a process which may be marked by a mixture of intensity, despair, self-surrender, and an encounter with the inner void.
This is where I’m at, I would bet a large percentage of schizophrenics get there after trying to understand and fight our struggle
I used to live in a fantasy world through the Internet then I realized I had to come to terms with reality so I made an effort to come forward about my real self. Reminds me of paranoia but I know it’s way different