Men in black

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I have a long story for y’all. I’m not even sure if I am able to have enough characters in this simple text box to describe what happened in my life and what lead me down this road. But I’ll try to the best of my ability with some form of time line,
Leading up to my psychosis which caused my schizophrenia.
clears throat it all started with a man by the name of Eric p Dollard and my various research in ideas of various fields that were not… very conventional. Traditional or fell in line with the current oppression based schooling systems.
Let’s just say I had a universal philosophy and holistic thinking, that brought my levels of consciousness and ability to explain almost any concept to anyone at anytime no matter there intelligence. If I knew someone for long enough I could discibe almost any of my abstract, linear or complex ideas, systems, philosophy to anyone. And they would understand.
I grew up with a very different paradigms of reality and the nature of our Realm compared to others.
My age was about 5 to 15 at this point. Still no visible symptoms of anything. Just some anger here and there and a slight bit of authority defiance. (Specifically against authority figures who are tyrants and do nothing but jab their claws into your life at every turn. I.e my tyrannical mother.)
15 years old between the summer of grad 9 and 10 (high school starts in grade 10 in Canada) I wanted to see what the big rage was around weed and cigarettes. Why did people smoke?
So I tried both and got addicted immediately it was fairly manageable for the first 3 months.
I started smoking weed before ciggys. Started with weed in july of of 2014.
About two weeks later started smoking ciggys.

I was living with a few family members and roommates. High school started I was smoking up everyday. No shame just got stoney bologna every chance I got, almost every day. Made lots of friends. So lets skip past the first semester of grade 10 to the end of grade 10.
Me and my buddy Ricky smoke up almost everyday at lunch. So we smoke a few to the dome chilled, I came to class late but I went to a school for kids with behavioral issues and learning disabilities (still a public school however) and I was vary advanced in the realm of science and social studies. And i had science right after lunch this day, my science teacher (let’s name her Ms.B) Ms.B knew I was a hard worker and far more advanced in my approach to science. I’d litterly show up for a half hour do all the work needed for that class. And basically BS around until class ended (90 minute periods) and showed up late got most of my work done and she got a call. She looked at me with the phone to her ear and looked at me and said “hey Tesla2.0 do u know where the meeting room is?”
Me “yes I do”
Ms.B “they need u down there”
Me “alright”
My first thought was. Welp I’m ganna get busted for smoking weed. I know I ain’t got anything on me I’m just guilty of being stoned so they’ll probably just send me home lmao.
So I walk into the meeting room. The schools constable, and two teachers were there. A female teacher and male teacher. The constables was also a male.
I look at them dead ass in the face and say “Who sent for me?”
The male teacher says “I sent for you, I like the way you phrased that and represented yourself”
Me “what is this about?”
Teacher “in the eyes of every person you meet do you only see a reflection of your self staring back?”
Me eagerly said “yes” loud and and straight faced as possible.
Fyi I was in martial arts and for many years prior to high school trained all throughout high school and I took it extremely seriously and used the same tone and loudness of voice as if I was training in my dojo.
And he said “okay that’s all we need to know”
Then once a year for the 3 years the constable would come up to me during class and ask me the same damn question. I answered yes every time.
To be 100% honest with all of you I’m not sure why I said yes, but something in my gut told me to so i went with it.
Let’s fast forward to the second semester of grade 12 and graduation.
So this is going to be a turning point here…
May 21 of 2016 12:30 AM
Me and a friend were hanging out in buddys basement he said early that day if I got some shrooms he would do them with me.
So I got the shrooms did them and buddy changed his mind and i was stuck high af tripping not super hard still coherent enough to talk to me and be chill.
So us and a few friends were chilling when one of my friends D said “he bro wanna go out for a ciggy?”
Me “sure bro”
Were smoking chilling talking
I’m smoking my smoke hes smoking his.
he goes in side I’m only half way done mine. A few minutes pass and I finish mine and I start wandering around this play ground in front of my friends house.
I stand in between 3 trees and all the sudden I feel a cold go up and down my spin…
I close my eyes and see a Kaleidoscope of colours in my head. It was like being able to see every neuron in my head firing off.
Seeing every single thought fourm in my head in the form of of color.
Then I heard a voice saying
" stare into the eyes of the sun I dare you" sounded like the devil him self.
I open my eyes and look up. And see a spinning neon orb twisting and turning inside and out of its self come down from the sky and hover in front of me about 3 to 4 feet above the ground then I close my eyes open them and the sun was rising.
Went from 12:30 am to about 6 or 7 am in a blink of an eye to me.
The first thing I did when I opened my eyes and saw the sun rising I looked at the ground got into the read position and did my martial arts forms also called hyan or patterns.
It was the only thing that snapped me out of the trip. Then I walked home passed out for two days woke up went to school and everything was normal.

So my personal philosophy composed of this.
Operate on your highest excitement to the best of your ability.
Always show courtesy to others.
Stand firm in your integrity.
Do as to your will with out violating the non-aggression principle,
With out manipulating.
Practice self control at all times.
I always told people in my school to operate on their highest excitement to the best of there ability.
The last time the constable spoke to me he said.
“Would u say operate on the highest excitement to the best of your ability?”
Me “absolutely”
Constable “in the eyes of every person you meet do you only see a reflection of your self staring back?”
Me “yes sir”
Constable " I dont think people are ready for the cosmic awakening"
He turns around and walks away.
This is the end of grade 12 right before I graduated, probably the beginning of june of 2016.
I didnt think much of it.
So I graduated with a certificate of completion not my full diploma.
Got a job working at a local college, doing sheet metal repair and maintenance. I started working in trades when I was 15 doing scrap metal and wood framing building homes among other jobs.
Let’s say out of all the jobs I worked I did scrap metal the most and listen to Eric Dollard understand the engineering behind the scrap metal I was taking apart. To give u an idea. I took apart hundreds of tons of transformers, electric motors, Old computer servers, electrical boxes, industrial and residential. So I did a lot of my own electrical research just by studying the things I took apart. And Mr. Dollard in one of his lectures mentioned that him and a high school student built a Tesla coil that created an entire astronomical creation with in a burt out street light. So I was actively pursuing this watching his lectures reading his books getting on the grind so to speak.
When something strange began to brew.
It didnt phase me at first but it got into my head over several months and cuased me some issues.
So this sheetmetal company was in kahoots with government contractors and so I did a lot of government work essentially. And they shipped me off to a high school to work and build sheetmetal with the rest of the company. I did good work, the people were enjoying my efforts. I was doing everything to a T.
I just wanted to collect a pay cheque pay my rent and build tesla coils.
Then one day my coworkers began to approach me during work and asking me a vary specific line of questioning.
It goes like this. What’s your name. I’d tell them my first and last name. They’d ask me where I lived. I’d tell them my address.
They’d ask me what my high school student ID number was I’d tell them. Then they would ask.
“In the eyes of every person you meet do you only see a reflection of your self staring back?”
I’d say yes. Then the say “men in black suits”
Several of my coworkers asked me this line of questioning. I wasn’t phased I didnt give a crap at that point about men in black. I just wanted to get my job done right, properly, in a timely fashion with out hurting my self.
Then they started playing this damn song. It was the metal gear soild 2 them song… they would play it as they asked me these questions. And at the end of the questioning they’d say men in black suits. Still not giving an F at this point.
I showed up to work one day on time ready to go. And my boss said I’m afraid I have to let you go heres your cheque. I asked him as to why?
He said he couldn’t disclose this information.
I said is there anything I can improve on for the next job I get? He stayed silent and asked me to leave politely so I did. So I decided to go back to high school for one more year to get my diploma.
The second week in to high school a guy I know named timmy. Said to me " hey Tesla… i notice you dont change much. as he gave a firm grip to the dress shirt he was wearing.
Then he started playing the Metal Gear soild 2 them song and began to have the same line of questioning and at the end of the specific line of questioning, he said men In black. So I got paranoid af and stayed In my house for a month straight and had crazy auditory hallucination that made me break and have my first and only episode. It was bad. But not violent I didnt hurt my self or others. I just got thrown in the mental hospital for 28 days and got placed on forced injections of antipsychotic medications shortly after discharge. I dont hear voices. Haven’t had any types of hallucinations since then and I’ll be on my 3rd year of forced compulsory treatment here in October. I think that my doctors think, that I am lying when I say I’m not paranoid, I dont hear voices and I’m not experiencing weird or strange thoughts. They only see me once a month for an injection in my hip and i go off on my normal routine. I dont understand how u can help or correctly asses someone if u only see them for 15 minutes once a month and force an injection into them. They labeled me with schizophrenia in November of 2016. But now there changing their minds and straight up told me “were not sure if you have any illness at all at this point”
But there still perfectly willing to Inject me and force me to comply by their system. This is a tough spot. I was never not compliant when it came to taking meds. If it perverts me having another episode by all means I had no problems with taking it. But one of the doctors wrote down in his notes I wasn’t taking it even though i was. convinced him and his whole group of followers to put me on Injection, with out my consent. And they drug test you in the ward to see if your taking your meds and to see if your doing drugs so to me it’s an obsessive use of power. The Canadian mental health system is screwed. I’m getting tired now if yall have more questions feel free to ask. I’ll check this post in the morning when I get up. See yall later m8 it’s almost 1 AM my time lmao

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Welcome to the community.

Its a bit long for me to read.

Sorry man

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Welcome to the community! I’m sorry you’re not happy with your meds. Do they give you unpleasant side effects? If so, there are plenty of others to try.

I do have a question. Every time you heard someone ask about the reflection in their eyes, had you been high/tripping? Because if not, those were probably indicative of a psychotic disorder. If you were under the influence, it could have just been the drugs messing with your mind. Do you still take any drugs? If so, it would be a good idea to stop. Even if you only had one psychotic episode, it’s important to stay away especially from hallucinogens. They make it more likely that you’ll have a second episode, and a second episode makes it more likely your condition will be permanent.

For a single psychotic episode, doctors usually recommend being on meds for at least a year and a half after symptoms completely disappear, but different doctors have different recommendations. This is because psychotic episodes cause physical brain damage, and actually shrink the grey matter. For example, I went ten years without treatment. On my most recent MRI, the notes said “Significant loss of gray matter for a person of their age.” That was enough to convince me I need my meds.

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@Tesla2.0, When those constables asked you about the reflections in your eyes, that was probably psychosis caused by either hallucinogens or by your sz psychosis. I don’t know which. I would highly recommend staying away from hallucinogens. That would be the only way to find out which it is.

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I would agree under all other circumstances yes, how ever this is where it gets a little strange. I connected with a few high school friends of mine
(Post- psychosis) and ask them if they had that question ask to them. 3 of them said yes, one of them is my roomate. Non of these people have any form a severe mental illness. So it’s a very strange rigmarole. I am not trying to undermine you in anyway but it’s strange how a few of my friends remember being asked the same question. They just weren’t asked it as often as I was. They were asked once they would say yes or no and that was it.

So I my medication isnt the best, the side effects aren’t the best. I sleep waaaay to much. I have very strange eating patterns. It’s very difficult for me to maintain a full time labour intensive job like I could in the past. I will come home at 5 PM go to bed immediately and sleep until 7 AM the next morning and be absolutely drained. I do eat healthy. I’d say I’m a very slime man not much weight to me, but I need to get into the habit of eating breakfast when I wake up.

So to give you the honest truth, when my coworker/employers and people at my high school ask me the question about the reflection in my eyes. I was stoned the first time I was asked it. Every other time I was not tripping or stoned. Especially whilst I was working. I had a vary strong attitude towards drug use in the work place I was 100% against drug use well working.
No I don’t take drugs I still smoke ciggys but I’m moving towards my vape now cutting down that’s for sure.
And I agree with you on the fact that psychotic episodes cuase you to drop IQ points and cuase brain damage.

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