Maybe the brainwashing really worked for good TW

When I was 19 I was doing lysergic acid diethyelamide… or lsd for short. At my house. Supposedly no one knew for it besides my baby sitter. But he told them and they came over. Without being invited. 30 minutes after I started tripping ballzzzz. I couldn’t even talk I was so high but I was fully aware of the terror and torment these kids laid upon me. They threw knives at the wall were constantly pushing and fighting, trashed my house soooo bad. Stole soooo much ■■■■ from me and just ■■■■■■ with my mind for 8 hours straight till I could muster up the liquid confidence to kick them the f out.

The next day I call them ready to kill them literally. I am yelling and cussing at them. He says “lemme put u on the phone with Keith” (who was my best friend). I came thru the revelation on another lsd trip there was something wrong with my “ego”. So Keith said two words “your ego!!” I say “I know!!!” And from then point on I can’t use my ego anymore. I can’t. I have no ego ever. It is what it is and I accept it for what it is.

Well I’m doing good these days, still can’t use my ego. But I am very healthy in other ways. Females are starting to empathize and understand that I am literally 100x nicer, and 300x cooler than anyone they’ve ever met… yeah ur not gonna have me going up to you and being like spitting mad game and ■■■■. But I don’t need to spit game to get her to like me :joy:. I’m damn morherfucking cool. And even tho they say “GIRLS DONT LIKE NICE GUYS”. I’m not “just nice”. I happen to be nice, because I was brainwashed and I’m never allowed to use my ego again. Or else I’d have a terrible terrible acid flashback. I might just die if I use my ego. It’s ok :ok_hand: tho. Because I got confidence in my nice nature now so they’re starting to notice me…

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Are you doing okay? You sound … manic … lately.

Worried about you.

:heart:

I’m great :+1: just happy :smiley: I don’t think I’m manic. Just me n my pdoc lowered my abilify to 15 mg and I feels little more free. I feel very stable and secure :smile:. I also feel a little silly today. I’m half joking. But I guess I should be aware this is a schizophrenia not a humor board. I’m done now.

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