My family says, I am too lazy to work. Overall, some people around me says I simply don’t want to work.
Personally, I don’t know. I graduated from college, and I believe I am simply afraid of work. I try to search for jobs, because I want to study and work at the same time but… honestly, I am not putting 100% effort to find a job.
And like I said I am probably simply afraid.
Because I hate meeting new people, I am afraid people will notice that I have SZ (I have irrational fear about it). And also, I am afraid my skills are too low. Once I had internship, and I had serious problems with working with papers, and communicating with colleagues) Strange is, in college I had less problems with communication.
Or maybe I am seriously too lazy. IDK. Problem is, I never had a real, long-lasting job. I only worked for several months or even less. My job then was to write short texts, phrases (in my native language.)
Overall, my dream is to write something… brilliant.
That’s why I will go to university to learn more about communication, writing, and journalism.
And… well about work. i am seriously worried, that if I will be too tired after studies and work, I will relapse.
I really want for other people to understand the negative symptoms better…
I am really pushing myself hard somedays to do something, but others just don’t get it sometimes.
At some moments I had 0 pleasure from things, by which I was amazed before.
My PDOC says I have zero or almost zero negative symptoms, but she has no idea how hard some things come for me.
I am in the same boat. Have tried to work multiple times since problems. Most recent one I had to quit after training. Was just too much for me and I had a breakdown on the sales floor.
I am lucky to be on disability. I wish I could experience things like meeting new people and getting into a groove at a workplace, but that is not the reality for me. Just gotta accept that things are different for me. Tonight is an especially tough night for me being hard on myself, though. Exhausted that I am not able to thrive like most people, and go through life without fighting against my own mind.
On a lighter note, I also like to write. My main goal in life is to write a meaningful novel that helps people feel lighter before I pass.
Major depression significantly affects a person’s family and personal relationships, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health.[15] A person having a major depressive episode usually exhibits a low mood, which pervades all aspects of life, and an inability to experience pleasure in previously enjoyable activities.[16] Depressed people may be preoccupied with—or ruminate over—thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness or hopelessness.[17]
I see a lot of anxiety in your writing. Maybe you could ask your pdoc about that. Anxiety can be a crippler just like schizophrenia and may be hard to treat. I will admit I have similar issues about work. My biggest ones are a fear of losing my benefits, and trying to stand on bad feet and knees.
My PDOC says it’s pseudoneurotic SZ, Which is connected with anxiety and OCD.
Personally I believe I have some level of depression from age 14…
My doctor says I have depression which is not very terrible, but not simple sadness too. I have like “medium” depression
There are moments when I feel totally hopeless and start believing that either I am a terrible person, or most of the people are terrible. Worst is when I start believing that it will never change.
Confession time: I was more than a little scared about having a job. Scared of how work colleagues might have been towards me. Very worried I’d totally F things up. Was too stress prone to deal with a high pressure white collar job, and lacked anything near the ability required to be a tradesman,or similar.
Yes, so true. And most of the time treatment of sz comes with anxiety.
If you do not get the proper meds and dosage, you can really be put off by them.
I have had little success with exposure therapy too. Given the intensity of my reaction to stress, I think it just doesn’t pan out as therapists naturally expect.
I got a job that pays well uses my degree and only has three hour shifts. Also i can carpool cuz someone i know works there too. So there’s zero reason for me to say no. Its a stressful job dealing with kids but I am doing it. I spent 7 full years after diagnosis recovering without employment though.
Your health should come first but i suggest finding a job on a very part time basis (short shifts) so you don’t risk becoming symptomatic at work.
I didn’t think about it and just done it. Might be a little ignorant, but ignorance is a bliss… saying this recently, well 2-3 years ago I started a new medication, zeldox. It’s been a shitstorm my memory has decreased, and well I feel happy, but I had people issues for that time. I think the shitstorm is clearing a bit, but my pdoc said schizophrenia was showing so pdoc said he’ll add another medication to make me look sedated. Like I said shitstorm, but I’m in the position of things looking better. Worked 15 years in various places… NOW I’m thinking of getting myself into healthcare, mental health care to be specific.
Zeldox and olanzapine for me… I’m just waiting for this shitstorm to be over… shitstorm, shitstorm!!!
Once I had internship, and I had serious problems with working with papers, and communicating with colleagues) Strange is, in college I had less problems with communication.
