March Sadness

Ray was watching Australian Rules Football on ESPN and anticipating the National Frisbee Golf Championship which was following. Ray thought to himself, “Now this is different. I wonder what is going on?” Then a call from Italy came over the phone. "Son, said a voice which was struggling to talk. Your parents are about to die from something called the coronavirus. Ray said, “Cool they are going to Heaven right?” The voice said, “Sure.
They’d like to talk to you.” “Ray,” said the Mother. "When your father met me he was a mafia hitman and I was a prostitute who was poll dancing when your father said, “I want to make a dishonest woman out of you.” I said, “Don’t you mean honest?” and he said, “Hey I’m a mafia hitman and I’m one botched job away from death so I have to make it after communion so I can go to Heaven by being honest.” I said, “But isn’t killing wrong?” And he said, “No that’s divine justice.” So after we argued a while over that topic he said, “Let’s get married and 9 months later you came along. Now excuse me while I die.”
Ray took in the information and thought “That’s cool. Wait till I tell the fellows at the bar.” Then the nurse gave the phone to the father who said, “Son all my work as a hitman led to you becoming a priest which I’d like you to return to. Now it’s my turn to go.” Ray started to protest and say, “No. I like marriage too much.” But then he said, “Sure Dad. Anything you say.” He then said, “I love you guys.” and their voices came from above saying, “Love you too.” So Ray, his wife, and his kids went to Italy after the virus was over to bury his parents and said to the coffins, “Sorry but I stayed married, and a Maytag repairman. But I am going to communion more often.”

Nothing More Heartbreaking Than a Story

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