Man is a reed bent by the wind

But he is a thinking reed.

I want to come to terms with my illness. I know something is wrong. But its so inmeshed in my life that i dont know any better. Maybe i dont accept who i am or who ive become. Regardless… It took many years to even accept i have an illness. Ive found the answers long ago. The hard part is facing the answers. What are my limits. Why is it so. And why do i have to set my ideals so low for myself. Even by my own conception and ability i can conceptualize higher ideals. Yet its crushing me to try and live up to them. And yet…

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I’d say find a system that works for you where you don’t find yourself at the mercy of the illness, an occupation, or number of occupations, maybe a routine.

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That’s such a beautiful turn of phrase. I really feel your words and search. I’m having difficulty also accepting my diagnoses because I think it’s wrong. But I know I have an illness/es that involves psychosis alot. Each time I’ve presented differently so its hard to put a name to it. And like it encapsulates the whole of me. I’m struggling to find my purpose because its been eaten up by institution and hospitalisations. But I feel inspired that the world and what’s possible is unknowable to some degree. I hope you find that uncertainty in you too that maybe gives you the hope that you can move beyond the definition of an illness. Like we’re all, challenged by. It seems though to be quite a search in the dark at times. Don’t mean to sound dismissive but inclusive that it’s really raw what we’re individually challenged to overcome. Also… I don’t know I just find the set of critera for a mental illness really shallow on some level and dismissive of uniqueness of a human life - like theres a personification of characteristics and thats all you become to most involved. Because theres this characterisation that to me seems reductive of all a human can be. Like your given time brackets on whats possible once you’ve been diagnosed. You die a death. Of shame too. On some level I know I have. Like peeling an onion back. And theres many layers. Which layer do they want you at? One i’m assuming because one’s like an onion :chestnut: :slight_smile: only appropriate for cooking and a selective no. Of meals…

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Well that last bit about onions i don’t think made much sense. But i mean well. Lol

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I guess I’m talking about common sense. And maybe I don’t want to be common sense. I guess i have difficulty accepting the barriers to considering everyone else who isnt defined as mentally ill is in totality sane… Also, though I understand that illnesses run along spectrums of severity. Non relative pains and horrors. So at what point do you accept. Is it at the point where you’ve suffered enough? And at the point that you think Dr’s can only treat you in a certain way, for a certain outcome?

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I like the analogy of the reed bent by the wind. Bending is symbolic of deference to authority and most belief systems have a form of bending involved in their worship. When the body gets old and tired it bends as do other materials under stress and fatigue. Then you have the analogy of the rods bound together which symbolizes strength through unity and additional symbols added to that to represent related things. But with sz or psychosis the individual suffers alone so there is the weakness of aloneness, then there is the perceived weakness of illness which when met by the authority of doctors seems to warrant a bend that sometimes doesn’t occur. In fact unlike most ill the sz has a will to resist bending in the face of these stresses. So there is usually efforts to bend the will which resists medicine, authority, and the demands of community. Without the irrational will of a psychotic individual once medicated these forces of accepting illness, viewpoint of authority and community is enough to bend to breaking point.

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