my youthful years have past me by in a schizophrenic haze, stuck on the wrong med, i lost the best part of my life, the best part was the worst part for me,
i think if i was ok, i’d be successful and maybe even married with kids or something, but that was in an ideal world.
now that i am older i cant go back no matter how much i try, i seem to be trying to make up for lost time, it seems to be a race of catch up but i could never get that time back
i just got to try and do my best and go forward, onwards and upwards, keep taking my meds and just get on with it.
This was a big issue for me once, but I seem less bothered with it nowadays. Although such is a matter of retrospective interpretation, it seems like I have had quite an extensive prodromal phase prior to the onset of psychosis. Looking back, up to three years prior to the onset of my first psychosis, I wasn’t exactly in a good place. Had a depression-like episode and resorted to daily pot use. To me it seems these reinforced each other. I wasn’t taking my studies seriously and it is actually this period, rather than my psychoses, that caused me to get behind in the rat race with my peers.
Nowadays I’m doing very well, about to finish my masters degree and I will be doing so with some of the best grades of my year. I am a couple of years older than most of my fellow students though, and I will not be getting these years back. This used to worry me a lot, until I shared this worry with a friend and he said some wise words. He asked me whether I enjoyed doing what I do, and I said I did very much so, upon which he asked what the problem was then. I was worrying about future opportunities that I might miss because of running behind a bit. But his comments made me think what matters most is today, each day again. If each day, today you are doing fine, and one is able to spend one’s days like that, there is no problem at all.
I think about it too. How I’m already 25 and missing out. The last three years I’ve been on medication, but I’ve been mostly just wasting away. It’s so depressing.
Good luck,at least your trying your best and getting onwards with life.Its a regret you can’t get back the time you lost when your not feeling well,but there is still a lot of time for you to make a future for yourself
Good luck
i just remember that when i was in my twenties that i tried my best despite everything, its hard but i just had to hold on to that hope that i would get better.
hope its a good thing x