My father told me it was my fault my grandma got sick because I had delusions she wanted to kill me and that she hated me but I was her favourite grandchild she said and she adored me despite all the badness of me.
My boyfriend said I make him sick and I am the best girlfriend I ever have been.
He spoke about breaking up with me to keep his health because he said he was healthier and happier with out me and that I made him sick .
I have no friends and I had delusions about family so I avoided them for years.
This is to me a happy loving peaceful home with dogs too.
I tried making a friend last year but after meeting only three times I gave her a scarf I made and scared her away so she stopped answering my calls or text.
My boyfriend threatened to break up with me.
I prayed /pray to enrichen his
His life and bring him assistance,support,love and kindness.
I try to please him but maybe my best is not good enough.
This moment his dogs are laying on my lap and it is a good moment in time.
I am sorry I said no to coffee with a woman but sitting opposite at a cafe an be undoable .
I feel fragile and lonely and afraid and I miss my mum n other woman raised me and my other loved ones.
I miss my neigh but have lost my confidence in handling her despite that I managed her when she was worse than she is now.
I might not have anywhere to go if he breaks up with me and might get hospitalised in psych ward again and I do not want that.
I pray to enrichen him and my new community and instead I am making him sick and my new community is not getting anything from my existence???
Yesterday someone from government called at night but it was a scammer but I don’t understand.
My stepmom I had seems angry and hateful to me on phone.
I can not even work as a manicureist
I wanted to work.
My boyfriend said I should not because I’m not well enough and I agree.
We had fights because I was trying to go vegan again and it made me pale and sick and he made me eat meat again.
He is right about that.
I was so alone n even had delusions about my neigh.
Relationships are so difficult for me.
I really try .
I am proud when I empty the dishes and so forth but I know myself.
I do not want to make my man sick.
I am sad he said I make him sick when I’m sick and that he was healthier and happier without me.
I try so hard to please him.
I just really wanted to go vegan but I agree I need meat now and there’s a blood type my dad says they have different acids and need meat in a way other humans don’t.
We do not have sex more than once a month or less but I am satisfied with great cuddles and company from him but still want faithfulness from us .
I want to be a good daughter etc
He could kick me out st any moment and said he will if I don’t improve.
He can not get sick because it’s dangerous to his health.
I want to enrichen his life and instead he says he was happier and healthier with out me.
That is sad to hear when I try so hard to please him.
Sometimes I don’t feel like I cope.
I wanted to work but I tried
Pushing myself makes me go psychotic also does trying to be vegan.again.
I am also a coward I think.
Like George Constanza running from fire.lol
I have been a bit brave sometimes.
Not much though.
He may not be proposing soon instead he talks about us breaking up which would make his groupies and fans happy specially the one he chats to who is obsessed with him.
There was a brown eyed nan I felt close to we could laugh together.
I pray for us on forum .
God bless us all!
