I feel like my every day choices hold a lot of weight. Due to the fact that if i happen to accidentally choose something “wrong” it sends my mind into some sort of suicide mode. Where it is just straight pain and it can be over the stupidest and smallest things and yet to me its the world. Cant seem to sbap myself out of it fast enough either so i usually have to hold on for the ride and hope for the best. Wish that i could feel more relaxed on a daily basis instead of having every choice hold so much value. Cause even if you get it right most of the time ur going to have that one moment where it falls apart.
I know how you feel. Sometimes it seems like everything you are doing is the wrong thing. This isn’t true though because what is wrong and what is right is very subjective. Keep on holding on, mate. I hope things start looking up.
I had this. Like if I did one thing someone would die, and if I did the other thing someone else would die. My psychiatrist said it was called ‘delusions of reference’, and I was surprised that there was a name for it.
This went away for me on abilify.
Yes but not only that im talking about making choices that i know im safe with. Like if i somehow choose the wrong thing i end up having a melt down. Like if i choose to give myself a break and not excersize. It might seem like a decent choice but then five kins later i want to badh in my head for being so lazy. Makes daily choices hard. Since i never fully know how i will react to things i just guess and hope for the best.
Speaking of delusions of reference i once ended up getting my hair cut at this kind of hidden salon. I felt like life just lead me there since i felt my feet moving in a direction. I wasnt even planning to get my hair done i was just checking out this agency that was closed. Then i saw the ticket hanging on the bulletin board and it just felt right. Like it was all meant to happen like that. So i went and got my hair done.
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