So, here I sit again, almost ready for work. My meds are right there by my breakfast.
I will take them. I will always take them.
When I was relapsing and afraid and feeling unsteady it was so easy to take them. One little pill and the confusion and panic melts away.
But I’ve been doing so well. I’ve been stronger and looking forward to more and trying more. I try to fight my sneaky brian that says… “No, it used to be the meds but now it is just the sheer power of your mind that has kept you going.”
Most likely not the case. But it’s a conversation I have with myself every morning it seems. I will take these meds. I have too much at stake. I have my job, I have my family, I have my own place. I have too much to loose. But these pills just seem to get me down a bit. A constant reminder that I’m not well.
But, they work. I know they work. I’m glad and grateful they work. I wouldn’t be me and typing here if they didn’t.
I didn’t expect it to be so hard at times to maintain my motivation. One would think that taking meds would get easier when we got better, not harder.
I am on automatic pilot when taking my meds - the alarm on the cell phone goes off, I take the pill container out of my pocket, I swallow the pill/pills and then check off what I took on the cell phone. I dont hesitate really. But J I think I might have to switch my antipsychotic over to a more diabetes friendly AP from Risperdal to Latuda. I measured my fasting blood glucose levels and it was about 171 - Im taking metformin already. Im going to have that discussion with my doctor in a couple of weeks
After 5 years of suffering I finally found some relieve from meds,now I always remember to take them and it seems to be my priority in life…I don’t know when will be I good enough to totally stop them…I bet no one wants to depend on chemical to survive,it’s just that I currently had no choice but to take them to stay sane and alive
after being motivated for college and always taking them or i would begin to act weird around my friends to stopping college and not having as much reason to take them, i think i have lost a bit of motivation to take them. i forget them a lot now, well sometimes i skip my morning med or the evening, sometimes both and i take them next day but i can feel the effects of skipping my meds too often, i just haven’t got an alarm clock with the words ‘take your meds’ on it in big caps ‘and i dot want one’ lol
How are you doing with the idea of a med switch? As long as your doc is on the line and will let you switch back if the wheels fall off, then that sort of takes the scary out of the frame. (at least it does for me)
I am on Latuda 40 mg and it has worked very very well for me. These past almost three years have been my best. But I know that meds are as personal as anything.
Good luck with the med switch. Because if it works better? WOW.
Thanks J - I am just going to have that important discussion about a med switch now in my life. I do know she likes and uses Latuda in her practice regularly. Latuda is supposed to be healthier on the body than most other AP’s
I am experiencing some more serious side effects with the Risperdal, I think I just might take a chance - Im going to talk to her about it - thank you for your support J - as usual
Think of your pills like a need, like food, clothing and shelter. Life has requirements and, for us, meds are one of them. “Forget your foolish pride, come inside…”
Meds can make you sedated and feel amotivational. I was much more energetic before meds, now I slam caffeine down to even think about being productive. But, I was beyond energetic and actually very agitated and in agony, just full of psychotic energy, I couldnt sleep well and I had trouble holding still and not screaming (I only did lose my grip a few times alone). The xanax, beta-blocker and antipsychotic I think all make me rather sedated and relatively lazy, so I drink coffee to perform academically and I drink preworkout drinks to perform physically. I have to have a perfect amount of caffeine or I have trouble sleeping, but without caffeine, I simply dont function.
But yeah I know exactly what you are talking about. Before I split my meds into morning and night doses, not all at once before bed, I was so lazy, I could sit for hours on end and even had back pains from sitting on a couch without much back support! I found a window when my meds were not as sedating, would pound some coffee and then hit the gym, but now I have energy to where I am not seriously sedated, just moderately so. I have to wait for my morning xanax to wear off before I can workout, which is like 6-8 hours after I take it, so I workout at like 430.
Once antipsychotics work, everything else has to work around that. Being treated for psychosis is a must, the side effects can be dealt with by drinking coffee and sleeping well, I find. I slept for 10 hours last night and was groggy as hell waking up and making coffee. Luckily its snowing and icy so class is cancelled today and I can take most of the day off, I just need to brush up on some french tenses for a test tomorrow, but that will take like 30mins so Im pretty much gonna be lazy all day.
But the bottom line is that the meds are working. That’s what really matters. It’s ok to sleep alot and drink caffeine, its not what I used to do, but hey, I used to be nucking futs.
I’m struggling with motivation now too. Not about Rx, because I’m only a month out of the hospital and know I need to take it, at least for now. I don’t have the motivation to get out of bed, study, go to class, therapy or DBT group. I keep on doing these things because I have to, its all I have in life. My life has shrunk over the past 2 years, I’m only a small bit of the person I used to be. Everyday is a struggle. J and others on this forum give me a little ray of hope.
