We were mucking around with liquid form LSD on sugar cubes, and someone gave me a pint glass full of whiskey just after I took mine. Pretty sure with hindsight the drink was also spiked
I necked it, and I literally fell into some massive network of dark stairs that appeared in my ceiling, going off infinitely in all directions.
Everything was dark, but there was an aurora shadow of all sorts of different things surrounding me that I could clearly make out as I was falling
Even though I am not religious, I saw the devil confront me, and I punched him. He smiled, and everything went into reverse gear, and I was sent back
For a long while I felt back in my body, but not. Not sure how long this all lasted in real time, but it felt like this journey was an eternity, like sometimes dreams do.
I ended up in the dark, looking back up through my ceiling at the milky way
After a long long time, my eyes opened to a room of people, as one of them was kicking me in the back trying to wake me up.
As soon as I came to, they all left.
Since this happened, I was convinced I had visited another realm within our universe and had in fact died.
For some reason I came back. Not sure why, and I question it all the time.
Safe to say the profoundness of what happened to this day has had a massive effect on me, as to me personally what I experienced was a form of existence after death had occurred
Sorry, but it’s hard for me to explain it fully what happened, as it was a visually and physically disturbing experience. I am probably not doing it justice
Safe to say, what was left in the end was psychosis - as I was not able to handle it
Just after this had happened, I ended up back at my parents house, as I had been kicked out and put in social housing.
The aurora never went away, and the people inside it were passing me messages and were talking to me
Once I figured out they were showing me pictures of things, I started to draw frantically everything they were showing me in scribbled biro
Some of it was intense art that was even reversible in some cases.
Imagine standing on the platform of your plain of existence, and having access to every living soul past and present in the universe, and every single last one of them trying to get you to draw their story for them
Two weeks after this happened, I was placed in a youth offenders institute, for a crime that took place when I had taken Mushrooms many months earlier.
I was sentenced for 12 months, as the magistrate judge did not like me shouting about all this in the middle of a court room. When I got there, because I wouldn’t leave my cell or eat anything, and was doing these crazy drawings, they sent me to the mental health wing of another prison
Long story short, this was my first ever contact with mental health services, and I was released back into a community hospital by time I turned 17. I was diagnosed with Drug-Induced psychosis
I took Olanzapine until I was 19, then I was able to just about function until psychosis returned when I was 22.
This time there were no drugs in my system, and they decided it was paranoid Schizophrenia
What grew inside of me was the sense of injustice, and the fact that I had people try to kill me from the gangs that were around - who had lost a good customer since I got clean
All this that had happened fuelled my descent back into madness, but I no longer needed drugs to set me off or trigger these experiences.
Ever since, I have been on high doses of antipsychotics, and it took 5 years trying 7 different ones to eventually settle down
Now I sit here as an empty person, contemplating suicide all the time.
I do not feel like I fit here, and resent the fact I was sent back in this manner.
My current working theory is that I was damned to hell, was I was sent back, and this existence I perceive as hell.
The devil may well be the wrong way to describe the thing I confronted, but either way I guess another description would be a ‘gatekeeper’
We are here in hell, and our job here is to try and escape it
I am now a firm believer that this was a death experience. Nothing was ‘near death’ about it. It was a total death experience
Many people may think this is ■■■■■■■ nuts, but I’d have to agree with you on one hand, but the other maybe not