Read this stuff & you will understand.
REBT – Rational emotive behavior therapy - Wikipedia
Schematherapy – Schema therapy - Wikipedia
Learned Optimism – Learned optimism - Wikipedia
Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/
that is a lot of reading… 
When I was so ■■■■■■ up from 1994 to 2003 that all I wanted to do was die (I tried three times), I was willing, by 2003 to do anything. Anything. I read 400,000 pages of material to get through school. What’s 10 or 20?
I have a huge concentration problem, and sometimes when I try and read the words all jumble up on the page and makes it challenging. I was trying to read for pleasure last night and had to read the same paragraph like three times for it to make sense. Not that there was anything wrong with the paragraph, it just wasn’t sticking in my head right.
Same here from '94 to '03 when I was in the “terror tunnels.” Couldn’t make sense of damned near anything I tried to read. Anxiety amped to 12 on a scale of 10 from wake-up to pass-out, every ■■■■■■■ day.
You write pretty well, though. And that’s way better than I could do then.
Sometimes it takes me a few tries to write what I’m thinking…I prefer internet talking this way because it takes a moment before you upload it, you can sit and read it. To me writing has always been a preferred method of talking, I’m not fond of my own voice, I find it dull and too deep for a girl. I suppose I could take more speaking courses I was in speech therapy all throughout elementary school because I’d slur my S’s and TH’s… Don’t even get me started on public speaking, I hate speaking in front of a group, even if I know the people. My voice cracks and I start mumble. The joys of writing, I can get whats in my head out and not feel bad about myself because how I sound.
We’re your parent(s) criticizers? Just wondered.
No, my parents were and are supportive. I think if nothing else I’m the criticizer. I was picked on…bullied a lot as a kid by other kids, for various reasons running from being uncoordinated, slow, fat, taller than everyone until about middle school, and not extremely smart…I never really told anyone about the bullying, honestly I didn’t want to draw attention to it, so I just ignored them the best I could and then internalized everything everything to the point where I began to believe them.I also knew if I said anything and parents went to the school things would only get worse…after all getting the bully in trouble for being a bully isn’t going to help the matters with the kid on the receiving end of that bully, especially if that kid is the one who got them in trouble to begin with…
Bullying. Normalized by the common cult-ture in the consensus trance of “Oh, kids are just kids.” There’s a way out. But you’ll have to do some work.
Well I’m an adult now, 34…but the memories are still there