Hello, I feel like a lost cause, tried lots of meds even clozapine (300mg). None of it worked on my auditory verbal hallucinations, I hear them every day during the whole day, it has been like this for 13 years.
I feel like self-harm myself and that I should try to commit suicide. Cant study, I was trying to finish my masters on veterinary medicine but couldn’t finish the 1st year of college.
I so want to disappear but I feel sad for my mother, I love her so much. Her life without me with be really hard (she also suffers from depression and psychosis). Don’t know what to do, what would you do in my place? please help.
That is a relatively low dose of clozapine. I hope you find something that helps. 
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Try a higher dose of clozapine
Or try high dose (>20mg) Olanzapine.
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As @GrayBear and @everhopeful said, maybe try a higher dose of the clozapine. Or the olanzapine. Whatever you do, don’t hurt yourself. You’re right that it would be hard on your mother. You don’t want to put her through that. My brother killed himself in 2005. It is very hard to deal with and is the reason I haven’t killed myself even though I have been suicidal many times. Keep fighting and things may get better. Don’t give up hope.
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Don’t give up! There’s still hope that you find a way to manage it. Don’t kill yourself! @anon9798425 can you post the suicide hotline stuff?
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Don’t give up @niales1989! It will get better.
If you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.
You can also call a suicide prevention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries.
International suicide hotlines:
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
http://www.suicidestop.com/suicide_prevention_chat_online.html
Suicide hotlines in the U.S.:
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