Losing hope today

This is mostly a vent. Lately my mental hwalth has been extremely unstable ever since i started school. I dont think itw actually school doing it because i extremely enjoy doing my school work. Im an art student. But its made my job completely insufferable. I dread going in because i feel like ive finally found what makes me happy. Art. I tried looking for jobs dealing with art but my availability sucks so im having a hard time finding a new job. I have an interview today for Goodwill. I figured its lower stress than my current job at least so maybe ill be a little happier. Plus i know theres a ton of cool lgbt people that work there. Ive been taking my meds as prescribed besides occassionally missing a dose. But im finding certain situations srt off my paranoia really easily lately. For example my dog almost got ran over by a person on a bike last night (she ran after him). I love my dog so much that i got freaked out thinking she could have just died. This made me start to think someone was after me and that they were going to do bad things to me. I havent been able to shake it off and now im suicidal again. Im just so sick of being like this.


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