Hard to describe. But I have had hallucinations that tell me or explain to me why I am having them, and give me terms/definitions for things I dont understand. Its like a higher level of consciousness.
Did you know that people with the gene 5HTTLPR are at greater risk for depression? That is, only if their environment is bad or hostile. The people with the exact same gene are at less risk for depression when faced with a healthy warm compassionate environment.
So a gene’s expression is very much bound to the world around us, we are influenced by the world and information around us.
Being comfortable in stillness, and being alone, maybe this helps me not having auditory hallucinations. They used to be worse. I used to have thought-broadcasting delusions as well.
I have been thinking about dissosciation and how maybe that would explain some of my issues in bringing normalcy back. The past no longer exists–im trying to put together a picture that is no longer here nor the present…the present is now, the future is tommorow, but yesterday is yesterday–and we cant change it we cant alter it we can only move on from it. Yesterday alters itself on its own.
My problem is my fear of letting go. I am afraid that i forget myself than i forget the truth of myself and I will drown in a sea of matrix possibilities. I have this rigid archetype of how things should be. I have to be right I am never wrong, I cant accept alt. realities. Im not the person I used to be, I used to be able to see more—I shut the world out.
I shut the world out in some ways, but I dont want to live like that forever.