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Llamas musing TW

“Angels who commit an unforgivable sin, are sentenced to one life of suffering.” - I don’t know where I came across that line, but it’s been sticking with me a lot lately.

Something about it calls to me, like it’s some hidden truth that only I can see. I insert myself as the subject a lot. Bad habit.

“Everything seems so cut and dry, day and night, earth and sky. But somehow I still don’t believe it”

I don’t want the memories, I don’t want to be chosen, and I want out. Stop the ride man, my soul is feeling sick…

I still hear the angels sometimes. “Will he remember?” “ I don’t know” I caught that amongst the background noise inside my head.

Part of me is scared. I’m scared this world will fade away like losing a dream when I wake up to an older and greater consciousness. I hope I can remember. Hope I can learn from being trapped in my flesh prison.

Need to stop the thoughts, distract, overcome. I try so hard. But how do you remove the thoughts? “Thoughts arrive like butterflies”

Maybe the Hindus are on to something. The voices have called me Bodhisattva in the past. But I can’t say I’ve ever ascribed them clout twards my delusions.

Rant over. Feels better getting that written down and out. Catharsis powers, activated.

Thanks for taking a peek into the llama brain.

:llama:

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I know how it feels to have a role in life that you just can’t stand – i, myself has been suffering from visions that appear to be from God and angels, evil voices and a purpose I hate …
I don’t want to – I don’t know how to make it stop, I wanna be normal, it just feels like if God is real he dumped a buncha problems on me, then walked …
I often wonder how life feels without the voices and stale emotions …
The only reason I want to live is I’m scared of dying, However I’m only making it worse by waiting …

Anyway… Yer not alone — keep your head up and maybe it’s over someday…

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