It has made the choice of a thesis subject very easy for me, it is almost as if it is the only conceivable topic I could treat - now I’m nearing a conclusion and am still very happy with it. I very much enjoy writing it, I know from fellow students that it can be quite a struggle to find a suitable topic and that many of them feel like they made a wrong choice halfway in.
A broader consequence of being schizophrenic I think is that I have become quite the ironist, though I am not so sure whether this is a pro or not. It makes for a sort of relativizing of ‘worldly’ problems, but also of positive experiences. I can laugh, or smile, at some of the stuff that occupies me now. As for problems or negative experiences, I relativize them by recalling what was at stake during psychosis, and this makes for them affecting me less. The downside of such is that I also do not easily get immersed in positive experiences. Everyday life seems somewhat like a game, which I can enjoy playing - very much so even - yet it seems but a game sometimes. I think such is a viable account of reflectively describing much of social life, but that is different from living life from such a perspective. Like that there is a different in kind not merely degree between my concerns during psychosis and during everyday life without it. I suppose this can be seen as a way of personally accounting for my slight negative symptoms. To provide reasons for a sense of disconnectedness. I am very satisfied with my life as it is now, but would like to be able to ‘get lost’ in the common world of everyday life again, in the good sense of losing oneself, as in a state of flow.
Sometimes I’d rather be that snobby successful person you speak if than the more humbled individual I am today. But then I certainly would have worse company, less misery though.
I’m feeling good tonight. Feeling good about being sober. It was a rough day but then I went outside and stared at the moon for 2 hours I felt good. Idk something gave me hope that tomorrow won’t be so bad.
Seriously though, as to what the previous poster said, you can get away with stuff, there’s a lot of truth to that. At some point in my life I thought it was all about the suit and tie, and stepping on the little guy (or gal as the case may have been). But now I “allow” myself to be kind without pushing the envelope. I may have sold out on some of my old goals, but now mine are so much richer.
It helps me be less harshly judgemental toward things. Like beliefs. And even if it isn’t me it still forms part of who I am. And I see creative things differently. And I feel I got something to fight for.
Thought about this for a while and it was pretty tough thinking up something positive in spite of all the grief from sz.
Sometimes the voices offer other angles that aid with decision making, help me creatively, or bring up things I had long forgotten about. For the most part they are a curse but sometimes they give some insight that can be helpful and can give me a nudge in the right direction. I’m pretty wary of this though, and I usually take their advice with a grain of salt.
If you can maintain at least some degree of contact with the real world you are more likely to be creative if your sz. At least I think so. They say that to think outside the box you have to be outside the box.
