Life isnt as i wanted it to be and that's not ok

Who knew i would be so empty and just empty… Its weird

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I feel like I have zero personality. It’s sad really. Or maybe I have one and just don’t like it

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Im not sure what that means

But it’s just not fair

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I cant seem to attach to earth, to people, to things and concepts which people are attached to.
I am alone

Dont even have someome on valentines days.

Im breaking up

Nights are weird lately

Why are nights weird for you?

I think to much at night

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Your not alone. I do it at night, when I stuck behind the wheel and can’t preoccupy my mind. I’m constantly trying to keep my self in check around other so my crazy don’t come out and scare them away. It’s hard to multi task I too feel alone and different a lot

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I understand and i can relate but i only relate on the surface level. I cant trully relate to others, you know what i mean?

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How were you connected before? Is this post onset?

I was connected before - was semi social, had friends - loved art / creative world - loved my work. Loved working.

I don’t know - I think its good you’re not okay with it and try to fix it.

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I was kinda connected as you said and at 18 i had my first hospitalization after 2 hellish years of drug use.

From 16 until 18 i only had weed connections.

Age 15 was a year of solitude where i start reading a lot

And before that i had childhood friends.

I cant connect as easly now

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O you mean connected to the world…

I dont think i ever was

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I think theres more people that feel like you than you think. And we’re all unable to connect - so relating is not enough when we have a problem connecting to anything. Barely making any sense. I know. But like yeah relating is not enough.

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What ever made you think life would be fair?

Maybe things stink now, but you have the power to push your life in a more postitive direction.

Yes, my childhood sucked, but I’m now having fun “being a kid” and goofing around as an adult.

My life isn’t as I expected, but it’s still a good life.

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This is something i trully relate to, but not relate on the superficial layer which doesn’t make sense…

Yes relating is not enough. What else there is?

I always thought i would like for people to be in my place just so i can talk with them on the same level

Its a good way to change perceptions on life, adjust, overcome, conquer.

But i disagree with the statment ‘is normal for life to not be fair’

I know you didn’t say that, but thats the idea behind the saying

Its not normal.

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Yeah I fully get not connecting - you’re coming from a place where you feel never connected as far as you think you have never had that.

Maybe you have connected to books and ideas from authors, but can’t have a conversation with them.

But finding a person to converse with and connect to can be more challenging. I think I got lucky - I did experience for a time a connection to something / to some people. I find it very difficult now though.

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Never thought of it that way.

My first thought when reading this was like ‘wait thats just incorrect’

But i don’t think its totally incorect.

A part of it might be true.

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Well the book you suggested me reading is hard, but at times i really connected to this person - sometimes I didn’t like the it but other times i was like yeah wow.

But yeah - having a bit of understanding of -relating to- that character, kind of made me feel less alone.

But I’m not finished.

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